


Tell Me To Stay

by GerryCoco, Hayden_IsTrying



Series: Goosey Collabs! [6]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Adoption, Alcohol, Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - Police, Angst, Angst and Drama, Autistic Logic | Logan Sanders, Background Character Death, Bad Parenting, Breaking Up & Making Up, Caring Logic | Logan Sanders, Cheesy, Childhood Friends, Childhood Trauma, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders & Morality | Patton Sanders Are Siblings, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders Angst, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders Being an Idiot, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders is Extra, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders is a Little Shit, Crying, Denial of Feelings, Domestic Fluff, Dysfunctional Family, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Everyone Has Issues, Everyone Is Gay, Everyone Needs A Hug, Homophobia, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Insecure Logic | Logan Sanders, Internalized Homophobia, Lack of Communication, Logic | Logan Sanders Needs a Hug, M/M, Marriage Proposal, Married Couple, Mental Health Issues, Mentions of Murder, Moving In Together, Panic Attacks, Past Abuse, Past Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Past Domestic Violence, Past Sexual Abuse, Police Procedural, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protectiveness, Rejection, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Esteem Issues, Slow Burn, Smitten Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders, Sympathetic Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders, Sympathetic Logic | Logan Sanders, Therapy, Warm and Fuzzy Feelings
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-21
Updated: 2021-02-26
Packaged: 2021-03-11 03:53:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 31,624
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28218771
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GerryCoco/pseuds/GerryCoco, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hayden_IsTrying/pseuds/Hayden_IsTrying
Summary: Roman is a troubled police officer working in CSI. Most of his life, he’s been using his work to drown out his problems being terrified of facing them. Roman is acutely aware he’s only postponing the inevitable, but he simply can’t bear the thought of making himself vulnerable again. He’s not ready or in any rush to fall apart.At first glance, Logan is Roman’s opposite. Roman is egotistical and confident; clearly wanting to parade his achievements around for everyone to see while Logan is far more acquainted to quietly getting his work done and retreating home. When the two of them are put together, they are both unknowingly beginning the journey to face a long-buried part of themselves.Will they be able to put their differences aside and learn to work together? Will something more blossom from their new union? Will either of them ever face their fears to move on to something better?
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders/Logic | Logan Sanders
Series: Goosey Collabs! [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1961476
Comments: 36
Kudos: 28





	1. Logan's new job

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Logan never quite thought starting a new job in the CSI department would be quite like this. He'd been trying to get away and was about to find out that his attempt to escape workplace bullying was for nothing... or was it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content warnings: talk of open murder cases

Roman had been working in the investigative police department for a long time. He liked to think he knew what he was doing. After all, he was the lead investigator in the CSI, he loved his job. As much as some decisions were the worst choices he'd ever made, he loved doing good to help people. Even if it meant bending the rules a little to find the real guilty people.

Logan was glad to finally get to work in the field. He had been working a few years for the CSI but had always been stuck behind a desk doing mainly paperwork, not that he minded the paperwork. He would have stayed there if not that he wished he would be taken more seriously within the team.

He wanted to be able to offer valid input for cases without being brushed off as simply being a Sherlock Holmes enthusiast. So when a job opened up for the investigation department, Logan decided to take a chance and applied for it. Now he finally had his chance to make a difference, to set things right, the right way.

…..

Logan was always a punctual person. He was even more so on this first day working in his new position. He arrived early to scope out the place. The office was simple enough but had everything that they needed. Logan was directed to his desk and he started setting up his things. He organized the little he had for the moment and started mentally preparing for the day. As he surveyed the office, he couldn't help but notice the desk adjacent to his. Cluttered would have been an understatement. Logan knew that he could be a bit of a neat freak, but this desk was ridiculous. He was still staring at the desk in disbelief when the person whom it belonged to strode in and sat down. Oh no, Logan thought, what have I done...

As Roman got settled with his work for the day, he couldn't help but notice the neatly set up desk opposite his, but he knew better than to inspect the new in such an obvious way, so he ignored him. After a while, he started getting looks, peeks at what type of person he was, what his mannerisms were. He looked the man up and down every so often being very discreet, as he flipped through the case files, inspecting each one and scanning over it with trained eyes. He wasn't going to speak first, and he didn't intend to.

Logan had heard of this investigator. Despite not being remotely interested in gossip, news travelled fast in the precinct. He felt like he was back in school in the nerd vs jock dynamic, and he was not pleased with that. Logan wondered if he should speak first, being the new guy and all. Then again shouldn't he be the one receiving the welcome? Despite his best efforts, Logan was not a people person, and he wasn’t this type of people person. He looked around wondering what in the world he should do now. He had just gotten there so he didn't have anything to attempt to look busy.

Roman smirked, this guy was doing this. The smaller man was sitting at his desk and occasionally he would make a face of distaste or sigh. He picked himself from the chair and walked out into the main office to get some more information on the case that piqued his interest the most. As he did this he casually glanced back and caught the confused half-glare on his new partner’s face. This was going to be great.

Logan hated that he probably looked like he didn't know what he was doing, even though it was completely true. Seeing the other guy get up and leave, Logan got even more nervous. Should he follow him? That would look weird. Then again he couldn't wait around all day for something to happen. So he also walked out into the main office. The captain was there to greet them. "Officer Logan, all settled in I presume," the captain said. "And I see you've just met Officer Roman."

"Um well not exactly..." Logan started but was promptly cut off.

"Great," continued the captain. "You two will be working together now, so Roman get settled on your case and get started chop-chop."

Roman smiled at the captain. "I'm getting right to it, Jim, don't worry yourself too much." Roman then sauntered out, sitting back at his desk with a triumphant smirk. His boss didn't seem to like Logan too much, and to him, this was hilarious. It had taken Roman a while to settle, but he loved this department and intended to stay here. He had picked up a case file on a homicide case with next to no leads, it had everyone else stumped. The types of cases he loved were the ones no one else could figure out. He smirked lightly as Logan wandered back in, looking lost.

"Okay, so, could we properly introduce ourselves or are you going to stand there smirking at me all day?" Logan asked, feeling irked. He missed his old job already. He had known it would take a while to adapt, but he hadn't thought he was going to feel so miserable this early on. It didn't help that he was paired with the all too well known, cocky and impulsive investigator. Logan wasn't the best at reading people, but he didn't like the vibe he was getting from this guy.

Roman looked up and for the first time got a proper, full look at him. He would be lying to say he wasn't attractive, but that aside, he seemed just as tidy, as his desk suggested. He had calculating, green eyes and still held a rather irritated look on his face. 

"Sure, I'm Roman, and you're Logan right?" Roman was being witty and overconfident as he typically was because he didn't like to work with people in general, especially ones he didn't know, he missed his old partner so much right now. "I hope you like to work hard, I don't appreciate it when I have to pick up people’s slack. Also, just a word of advice, be nice to me. It'll work in your favour." He handed Logan a case file and turned back to his computer. "Read this over for me, tell me what you think."

Logan took the case file from his hand with a frown. He didn't like arrogant people, and Roman had the air of someone who thought way too highly of themself. He tried to clear his mind, putting aside his disdain for his new coworker and sat down, attempting to focus on the file he'd been given. There wasn't much to go on, but Logan had a feeling this Roman personage already knew that and expected him to come up with something.

"So?" Roman asked with a hint of a smile, he was curious to see Logan's thought process, his way of thinking. "Any ideas?" Roman asked, angling his head to the left slightly as his eyes flitted from the case file to Logan's face. This case was interesting, he already had three theories to look into. A girl had been found dead and Roman thought her case could be related to multiple other murder-homicides, as it fits with a potential serial killer Roman had yet to pin down. He thought it could have been her brother and his friends as they had no appropriate alibi so he immediately looked into it. It could have also been a suicide, likely assisted or staged. He was buzzing, would Logan come to the same conclusions? 

Logan looked up, unsure whether this was a test or not. "Um..." Logan started. "Well, there is something I don't get here." He was afraid to offer much input for the moment, he didn't want to look too stupid on his first day. Especially since something in this case just didn't add up. "It looks like the victim's clothes were changed, but I don't see any mention of that in these records."

Roman’s eyes widened at this, despite his initial scepticism of Logan he had to hand it to him that he’d made a decent observation.

"I'm surprised you picked up on that. I think it has something to do with a cover-up, someone here, covering for-...well what's your input? Who did it, at first glance?" Roman quirked an eyebrow, his face still holding a certain judging look, but he at least seemed open to listening to Logan’s ideas.

Logan started feeling a tiny bit better, he hadn't made a complete fool of himself yet so he continued. "I.. I'm not sure... I mean a first of the obvious potential explanations is that she committed suicide, or was made to look like that. The brother and his friends sound pretty suspicious, that's for sure, but I'm guessing you already knew that." Logan scrunched his eyebrows trying to put his ideas into order, to connect any dots that hadn't been linked.

"Huh, interesting idea Logan, not bad. I'm thinking we should talk to her brother, bring him in and interview him, it would give us some great possible leads, maybe we should interview his friends too. It might give us a more clear idea of what happened." Roman commented at Logan.

"I think that would be the smartest and most logical place to start at least." Logan couldn't believe that Roman could be even remotely impressed with anything he had said up until now, even despite the dismissive tone. "I see here in his friends, a certain Thomas, that I remember seeing recently in the archives at least 3 other times."

Roman smiled at him and walked out of the room, his hips swaying confidently as he walked. He could then be heard picking up the phone and speaking into it before having a quiet word with the captain. He then trailed his hands along the edge of one of the desks, leaning over and quickly saying something into one of their co-worker's ears before heading back to Logan. "The captain said he'll get someone on it."

"Okay, sounds good". Logan had to keep himself from staring. Roman exuded this charm that was irresistible to everyone, though Logan tried to convince himself he didn’t find himself even slightly impressed by it. "So what now?” Logan asked. “Should we be making a list of questions or..?" He pulled out a notepad and a pen to keep his hands busy. 

Roman stared into space for a second, making no sign to show he had heard him. Then, still staring off into space, he started speaking. "The interview should have structure, though if we over plan it, it'll be uncomfortable, obvious of what we're trying to do. We need to know, but make sure they don't know what we're doing, the balance is important." He sighed and turned to his computer, typing out something. "You can suggest some questions, maybe I’ll use them."

Logan stared down at the notepad he had put down on his desk. He was a little miffed at this point. The whole reason he left his other job was that he was tired of the condescending attitude he kept getting from everyone. If Roman wanted structure he was going to give him structure. He would leave the spontaneous aspect to Roman since he knew more about it than Logan did. He started jotting down some potential questions and then tore another page away to write some notes of his own. He made a summary of the case details so that he could keep all the information in order.

…..

About an hour passed and their captain walked in, announcing that they had to interview three of the friends. However, the other two and the girl’s brother had yet to be found. Roman waved for Logan to follow him as he walked out of the quiet room into the bustling larger section of the office. They headed towards the interrogation rooms, which were just past the holding cells where three teenage boys were standing at varying degrees of anger and discomfort.

Roman rolled his eyes before he turned to them, eyeing each one, scanning their clothing, posture, body language. He needed something to go off. He then whispered to the officer on guard. "Bring me the one in the red hoodie, he looks a little unnerved." He then moved forward and waited as the boy was taken into the quiet interrogation room. He then followed in after and sat on the chair opposite the teenager, who was shrinking in on himself.

Logan was in the room opposite to the interrogation room watching Roman through the two-way glass, the captain standing next to him. "Take notes, Logan," he said to the rookie. "Roman is one of our best guys." Logan rolled his eyes and watched as Roman questioned the young man. He had a way of alternating between bad cop and good cop, manipulating the situation to get the information he wanted. Logan noted down the answers they were getting, not much of which wasn't information they already knew, but he decided to write it all down nonetheless. 

Roman was done and soon the second teenager walked in. He got similar, but different stories from all of them and through body language, he could tell where the lies were. Once he was done with his questioning, he would have to look through Logan's notes and decipher a story. He walked out and into the room where Logan sat scribbling and finalizing his notes. Roman barely said anything after that, leaving as soon as he was off the clock without so much as a goodbye.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story is part of the LLF Comment Project, (https://longlivefeedback.tumblr.com/llfcommentproject) which was created to improve communication between readers and authors. This author invites and appreciates feedback, including:
> 
> \- Short comments  
> \- Long comments  
> \- Questions/theories   
> \- Constructive criticism  
> \- “<3” as extra kudos  
> \- Reader-reader interaction
> 
> This author replies to comments.


	2. Maybe this isn't so bad...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Logan and Roman continue to work on cases together and as the two of them further display their individual talents and strengths, opinions begin to change when they realise that maybe they aren't so incompatible after all...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content warnings for mentions of suicide in an open case and talk of murder cases

Over the course of the next few days, Roman and Logan continued working on the case together. Although it was more that they tolerated each other rather than actually worked together. The brother and the other friends had been found and were brought in for questioning as well, with very little new information added that seemed pertinent to the case.

As far as they could both tell it really did seem like a suicide at this point. They really didn’t have much more to go off on and were nearing the point where they had to make a decision regarding the state of the case.   
  
Roman hadn't particularly enjoyed working with Logan and Logan himself felt exactly the same way. To Logan, Roman was a pompous and frankly ridiculous individual who was practically obsessed with himself and often came across to him as very egotistical.

Roman thought Logan was rather annoying, he seemed to always want to be right and when he wasn't he would become frustrated and tried to make Roman sound insignificant or stupid to compensate. It seemed there was a little more than just being right to it, though. He almost seemed constantly irked by Roman specifically. 

When they did get along, it was because it was integral to the case or important to maintain a civil presence for the sake of staying professional. No matter how much they disliked each other, they were coworkers and the fact that they had to work together every day was slowly starting to grate on them.

After some debate, however, they did conclude that it was a suicide and the suspicions were all but that, just suspicions. They were sitting in the office typing up their conclusion for the case. Since the conclusions were supposed to make sense when put together, they were supposed to reflect a certain level of teamwork between the people working on the case, so they had to work together.

Logan was finishing up putting their statements together as Roman surveyed his work over his shoulder. It irked him to feel watched, but he knew better than to say anything at this point. The faster he finished this the quicker he could go home and he wouldn’t have to deal with the other investigator.

Roman was starting to regret more and more having accepted to get a new partner. He was frustrated that the captain wouldn’t let him continue to work on his own. He’d been doing quite well for himself _without_ a partner. The captain had insisted, saying that they’d had an application and that it was Roman’s duty to give this new guy a shot. He’d begrudgingly agreed, and now he wished he hadn’t. 

Roman watched with a careful eye, _‘At least he can do the work well. If I had someone who always thought they knew best, but was no help whatsoever, I think I'd go totally nuts.’_ He frowned, scanning over the document, “I’d tweak the phrasing here and here,” he said, pointing out sentences in the document as he went. “But other than that, it’s great, good job,” he nodded, his tone surprisingly void of sarcasm as he took a sip of his water, sitting down at his own desk. Logan printed the document, walking over to the office printer and picking up the document. Roman and he then departed to the captain’s office to hand it in.

Logan had a hard time reading Roman, not that he ever found that easy with anyone, but Roman seemed particularly difficult. He could never tell when he was joking, if he was simply being sarcastic or if he was truly serious. Logan didn’t like the way it made him feel like he was being made fun of, but that might have just been because he didn’t understand Roman’s sense of humour at all. It was hard to know how to take his different comments when he couldn’t understand the meaning or intention he was supposed to be getting from it. 

Roman watched Logan walk out of the building and out towards the gates as they left the office. He wasn’t sure how to deal with Logan just as much as Logan was unsure of him. He just seemed so isolated and didn’t look even remotely interested in getting along with him, so he wasn’t really sure what the motivation was to try to get in Logan’s good books.

Yes, he was decent to work with, he carried a good amount of the thinking and the work was shared between them in an equal manner. This took some weight off Roman’s shoulders, but not by much as he was still concerned whether his decision to accept a new partner was a good one. He just hoped that the direction this was going in was anything but downhill.

….

Over the course of the weekend, Logan often found his thoughts turning towards work, more often so to his work partner. Part of him felt like maybe he was letting his preconceptions of Roman define how he felt towards the other man, but another part of him truly felt like Roman didn’t like him much either. He tried to turn his mind to other activities, but being the rather solitary person he was he didn’t have all that many distractions to turn to in the end to keep his thoughts from coming back. They would be starting a new case when they got back from the weekend and he was already dreading how that was going to go.

When he got into work on Monday he found Roman already there, looking over their new case file. As much as he was all over the place, Logan had to concede that Roman at the very least was a very punctual person. 

“Morning,” Roman greeted Logan as he walked into the office. He looked a little surprised, but replied nonetheless, greeting Roman in response with a quiet “Morning,” and a nod in his direction. “This case file is...interesting,” Roman frowned. “There’s barely anything there and what is there doesn’t seem to be giving any hints,” he sighed, walking over to Logan’s desk and handing him the case file before slumping back in his own chair, his lips pursed in thought.

Logan picked up the case file and skimmed through it. The body of a middle-aged man had been found in an alley downtown. The apparent cause of death seemed to be strangulation, other than that there wasn’t much else. The killer had used some sort of rope to do so but had left the scene with it.

They had yet to find any plausible motive for murder, the man had seemed generally well-liked even if not the most sociable. Nothing in the file seemed able to suggest that the man had been the victim of a premeditated attack, which made finding the perpetrator that much more difficult. 

“It’s awful,” Roman huffed dramatically. “He left us with nothing. How are we supposed to work with this?” he flounced, walking back over and scanned the file from over Logan’s shoulder. “I don’t suppose you have any ideas?” he asked, sounding defeated as he rolled his eyes and typed a few things into his computer.

There were a few possible witnesses, so he was going to request to view the security recordings from the previous night. Hopefully, something had been seen or heard that could give them any kind of clue whatsoever, he would practically go for any lead at this point.

After looking at the file for a few more minutes Logan had a thought and turned to his computer. He looked up the company the man had worked for as he’d been recently employed as an accountant for an insurance firm. Opening up the databases he searched for other cases potentially linked to the company.

Having spent most of his time doing work in different archive departments, Logan knew how to work his way around these programs to find the answers he wanted. Sure enough, he found three other cases of people who had died under mysterious circumstances that had been employed by that same company a few months prior to their deaths. “I think I may just have found something.”

Roman perked up at this, looking over with interest and standing up to move over to Logan's desk. He scanned over the screen and his eyes widened, slightly tilting his head and furrowing his eyebrows in thought. He tried to connect the dots in his head and find things the three people had in common apart from working for the same company.

When he finally seemed to come out of his almost trance-like state, he smiled at Logan, the first genuine smile he'd given him and gave him an impressed look. "Good job, I don't think I would have looked there." He smiled, giving him an affirming nod and walking back to his desk to type away at the keyboard. "You got any theories?" 

“Well I don’t want to go into any conspiracy theory mode, but I definitely find it suspicious that there are now 4 deaths amongst the employees of this insurance company. Odd and unexplained deaths at that.” Logan could feel himself almost smiling, he felt proud of his find and was rather relieved to see that Roman seemed to agree with him.

He narrowed his eyes as he continued to search for more information on the different individuals. All of them had been middle-aged, single and in relatively good health. Only the last man could be pinned as being murdered at this point, but that didn’t stop Logan from feeling like there had been foul play in the other cases. 

Roman looked through his computer and they put down the recorded notes of who was present in the security tape and who worked for or had some reason to be angry at the insurance company. They found correlations between several people and it turned out to be a gang that had somehow gone undetected by local police or authorities.

As for Roman and Logan, they found themselves getting along just that little bit more. Neither of them would call each other friends, but they could slowly begin to appreciate that they were both good at what they did in different ways. It didn’t stop them from constantly trying to one-up each other, but it was a massive improvement from seeing each other as a constant inconvenience. 

…..

Over the next few cases, they slowly but surely got more and more comfortable working together. Roman had more experience and was naturally more headstrong so he was good at leading the way, while Logan was good with the details and keeping things on track. They realized that, despite their initial feelings, they seemed to form a pretty good team, their assets complementing the other’s surprisingly well. For their latest case, they were working on what seemed to be a gang-related blackmail situation. Roman was currently finishing the interrogations of different suspects as Logan took notes. Once the interrogations were over Roman and Logan joined back up in their office. 

Logan wrote down the last of his notes and then turned to Roman. He had dropped the whole interrogator persona and looked slightly tired as he rubbed the back of his neck.  
"So with that, we're able to narrow down that there does indeed seem to be blackmail going on here," Logan started as he surveyed his notes once more. "Are you satisfied with all that you got?" He asked looking back at Roman. 

He yawned, a hand over his mouth. "Excuse me, I'm just a little tired. Yes, that's what I was thinking. Textbook blackmail, the first boy I saw, he was terrified, he's only 15 I don't think he wants to be involved. Note him down for possible witness protection." Roman, despite looking tired, had a protective look on his face, veering on fierce. "He's not safe, not when he isn’t 100% in on their crime trade."

Logan was slightly taken aback by Roman's intensity. He could see that this man really cared about the people and not just cases themselves and he admired that. "I agree," he responded. "There's never really a beginning or end in these conflicts is there, just continuity." He looked back at his notes again deep in thought leaning against his hand and sighed.

"Until someone does something about it," Roman finished off. "How do you think he got involved, the youngest one?"

Logan looked down and thought for a moment. "Well, like for most kids getting involved in gangs, I reckon it has to do with the family." He tapped his pen on the desk a few times while he talked, it was a nervous habit of his that he would have to learn to control a bit more.

"Probably doesn't have the best home life so a gang is always like a second family, although he is rather young as you put it." Logan chewed the inside of his cheek while he thought. "Then again he might also have an older sibling or other family members in the gang. He didn't mention anything about it but that would probably be to protect himself and whoever else as well."

"I hope he hasn't got a sibling involved. It's always harder having to protect people from their own families," Roman sighed and shifted. "We haven't seen a brother, but I'll get someone to dig through the files."

"I wonder how many of those kids wish they could be leading a different life," Logan said sadly. Then he blushed, he hadn't counted on sounding so sappy out loud.

Roman looked at him, his eyes softened and lips parted slightly. "A lot of them, and I think they deserve their second chance, don't you? So let's find out what happened and get this kid in a safer place. Good job today Logan. We need to go home, get some sleep. I'll see you in the office tomorrow morning." Roman hugged Logan briefly as the man stood stiffly in front of him. "Have a good night, Logan," he smiled and walked out of the office. It took Logan a moment to realise that they were the last to leave, as the offices were empty.

Logan stood there dumbfounded for at least a minute before he was remotely able to move. He wasn't a hugger by any standard so hugs always were awkward for him. The issue here was that he really was simply taken off guard, that’s all that this was. He finally got up, grabbed his stuff and exited the building with a slight smile on his face, ultimately deciding that this was a pleasant change to usual. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story is part of the LLF Comment Project, (https://longlivefeedback.tumblr.com/llfcommentproject) which was created to improve communication between readers and authors. This author invites and appreciates feedback, including:
> 
> \- Short comments  
> \- Long comments  
> \- Questions/theories   
> \- Constructive criticism  
> \- “<3” as extra kudos  
> \- Reader-reader interaction
> 
> This author replies to comments.


	3. Personal Attachments

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roman and Logan work on another case together, but this one doesn't seem so black and white. Roman begins to get a little more comfortable with Logan, throwing some friendly conversation his way and Logan isn't totally sure how to feel about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content warnings for talk of murder cases

The next morning Roman woke up early. He made some breakfast and as he ate, the theatrical man began to internally plan his day for himself. Today they were going down to the crime scene  for a new case , which wasn't his favourite thing. They tended to always come back to haunt him, especially when the victim was young. He drove to work and was sitting in the office, however, Logan was nowhere to be seen. He thought it was strange and he was a little disappointed but he got to work, nonetheless.

Logan walked into the office and tried his best to offer a warm greeting. "Sorry I'm late," he apologized. "They needed me back in the archives, my old department, they just needed help organising stuff  that hadn’t been finalized from back before I left.” He sat down and looked at Roman, primed and ready for the day. "So what are we up to today?"

"We have to examine the crime scene. It's about a twenty-minute drive but I want to start early so let’s get going, hun," he smirked at Logan, throwing him an experimental wink. He then briskly and gracefully walked out of the office with a neat folder of notes and files under his arm. "You can look at these on the drive over, it's good intel."

Logan followed Roman feeling rather bewildered. Was Roman flirting with him or was that just his sense of humour? Logan couldn't tell and it made him slightly uneasy. Now they were alone in a small vehicle together and he could feel the faint whisper of gay panic™ in the back of his mind.  _ Get a grip man _ , he thought to himself as he attempted to read through the file Roman had given him.

"It talks about the body in the file, mainly specific details, but they had to remove it from the scene. We are working on a 100-metre radius from where the body was found. We have to look for anything that seems suspicious or like it might help with the case or give us a potential lead," Roman explained as he drove.  They arrived at the scene and got out of the car to join the others who had already started working. Early morning sun highlighted the more acute features on Roman's face, his long eyelashes, defined cheekbones and honey freckles. 

Logan tried not to stare, he really did. But the breeze playing with Roman's hair in the soft morning light made it hard not to. They were on the side of a highway off-ramp and behind them, the city rose up high with buildings. Before them, down beyond the ramp, a path led to a small wooded area where the body had been found. Logan had never been on an actual crime scene yet,  so this was new to him . "I'm thinking that those woods might hold some interesting information," he said as he headed slowly towards the trees, Roman following right behind.

Logan was quickly feeling more confident and even if he'd never admit it, Roman was happy he was adjusting so well. "The body was found near the woods, by the treeline. It was in pretty bad condition too. The cause of death was blunt force trauma and it was recorded to be on the temple, also marks and bruises on the arms and a few hits to the back and abdomen. We think it was a bat, but we haven't found the weapon yet."

Logan entered the forest path and wandered a bit, looking for anything that could be a clue. He stepped beyond the path and saw a tree that seemed oddly damaged. "You said you guys thought the weapon might have been a bat right?" Roman nodded to him, obviously curious to see where Logan was going with this. "The branches on this tree look like they supported a lot of unexpected weight. Kind of as if someone was trying to climb and then suddenly fell. A tumble from the top would definitely cause multiple contusions and the size of the branches could very well match our victim's injuries."

Roman gave a small thoughtful look in consideration. He walked around the tree, circling around the base as he scanned the bark. "You know? It does add up. It's definitely possible." Roman turned to where a few people were rushing about, busily scanning at places of interest. "Jane? I want forensics on this area, specifically the tree, we need to place where the victim was before she died," Roman yelled over at a smaller woman who quickly turned at hearing her name, then gave Roman a nod in acknowledgement. He then turned to Logan. "That's a pretty good theory, you want to keep looking?"

Logan hadn't heard that last comment, he was deep in thought, trying to connect the dots. "Why would she have climbed the tree though?" he mused out loud. "I mean sure to escape would be the immediate idea, but it's really not the best place to hide or getaway. There's nowhere to go from up there if she did end up getting caught." Logan approached the tree and looked up through the branches. "Is it just me or does it look like there might be a hole in the side of the trunk up there?"

Roman followed Logan's line of sight and saw that on the side of the tree there did seem to be a hollow compartment, just past the thick, brown bark. "I think you're right, it seems almost hollow." He frowned, "Don't touch it, we need the forensic team." He jogged over to where the forensics team was and went to speak to Jane, leaving Logan briefly on his own.

Logan scanned the ground around the tree. He walked around a bit, still keeping his eyes on the forest floor. He suddenly stopped and knelt by a patch of leaves. Something was glinting on the ground. "Hey Roman," Logan called, pointing out the section of leaves. "What do you think that might be?" he asked once Roman was back next to him

Roman's face screwed up in confusion, "I'm not sure, Logan, but I bet you know." He smirked semi-sarcastically, waiting for Logan to continue. 

"Well, it looks like some form of precious or semi-precious stone. My theory is that this is a remnant of whatever loot was stashed in that tree." Logan was really starting to enjoy himself. He was usually quite good at coming up with theories and having accurate conclusions. It was nice that for once his ideas were being taken seriously in a work-related environment.

"Could it also be shards of glass? Some form of metal, perhaps?" Roman suggested. 

"I mean maybe... guess we'll have to see what forensic says." Logan felt like he was maybe getting a little too ahead of himself. 

"Exactly, though it wasn't an outlandish theory, it was getting a little off track." Roman patted Logan's shoulder and then promptly refocused his attention on the case. "Do you want me to show you the area where the body was found? It's a lot of blood, just for the fair warning," he winced as he seemed to be thinking about it.

"Yeah if it's okay, I’d like to go see. This is my first crime scene so I'd like to take the full experience to see if I can actually handle it." Logan got back up and followed Roman to where it was obvious the girl's body was found. He felt a little queasy at the sight of it all, but mostly he was intrigued. 

He was glad he wasn't too squeamish and didn't end up making a fool of himself in front of the others. It hadn't rained since the incident so the blood marks were still visible on the ground. Logan looked up and saw that Roman’s face held a pained expression. He couldn't help but wonder why. Roman had to be somewhat used to it at this point.

As Roman stood there, he couldn’t help but think about how no matter how many times he saw it, he would never get used to seeing bodies or blood. It was heart-breaking, she was so young too... He stood there for a while, quiet as he watched Logan observe the scene. It helped to have him there. Roman felt that little bit safer, which he definitely needed at a scene like this. He had stayed quiet as Logan walked around the scene, the usually boisterous man not making any kind of remark, his movements were anxious and delicate. He was acting the opposite of...well, Roman. Logan had never seen him freaked out like this. He wasn't sure why yet, he didn't know if he wanted to know either.

As Logan analyzed the scene, he made an effort to take in every detail. He had an eidetic memory so whatever he noticed now he knew he would be able to remember later if need be. He was ready to head back and update his notes on the case. He looked at Roman. "So are we done here? Are we heading back to the office or..?"

For a second, Roman didn't acknowledge that he'd said anything. He stared at the bloody floor, like it had a soul, and glared before he opened his mouth to speak, and then hesitated as nothing came out. He tried again, "....Y-Yeah, we should, we can type up our...observations," he sighed, shakily turning to the car and walking in that direction.

Logan wondered if he should be worried about Roman. He wasn't all that good at deciphering emotions and his empathy wasn't the best. Still, he had the feeling something was off. Roman was quiet as they drove back. Even being generally one for silence, Logan suddenly couldn't help himself anymore. "Hey um... I don't know if you mind my asking but... are you okay?"

Roman blinked slightly, seemingly stuck between shocked and scared. He bit down on his lower lip and sighed, "I'm-...I'm fine, it's just with...those sorts of scenes...I've seen some shit, Logan...that doesn't mean it's any easier to look at. That was a person, one we failed to save, one I failed to save..."

"Woah where did that come from?" exclaimed Logan. He was shocked by what he had just heard. "You sound like you knew her... did... did you?" Logan was afraid he'd gone too far but the fire and pain burning in Roman's eyes concerned him greatly.

"Not...not properly, I mean, somewhat....she is-...was a regular at my brother's café. It's a youth café, a safe space for people to just relax, no pressure, she was there a lot. A few times I drove her home because she used to stay past closing time. God, Patton, my brother, was heartbroken. His boyfriend has barely gotten him to move this week, but Virgil is acting like practically a saint. So yes, I did know her. She was...a wonderful person."

Logan couldn't speak. He was flabbergasted by Roman's confession. He had really misjudged him that first morning. Roman now looked on the verge of tears. Logan felt a knot in his stomach as he tried to take it all in. "Wow...I.. just... wow..." There really wasn't much to be said after something like that.

"D-...Don't even think about pitying me... I don't want pity, I want justice, this girl was innocent, and now...she's gone. I need to put it right, to fix it." He rubbed at his face.

"Look I find it admirable what you're doing, but aren't you putting a lot on yourself?" Logan was genuinely concerned at this point. "Like you seem a bit too emotionally invested in this for it to be mentally healthy no?" He really hoped he wasn't overstepping his bounds, but he didn't like the way Roman seemed to blame himself for something that clearly was not his fault.

Roman's hands tightened slightly on the wheel and he tensed up "I just want her to be given the justice she deserves. I'm sure I'll be fine, I've dealt with a lot more work and a lot of worse cases before. So what if this one just happens to be someone I know?"  _ Why does he care so much? I just don't understand it, though it's nice to have someone care about me again, I don't really understand why he does.  _ "I appreciate the concern, but I've been fine, aside from the occasional nightmare and feeling a little more stressed than usual."

Logan's eyes widened at this point. He wasn't sure if he should be telling anyone about this or not. He definitely didn't want to be the snitch to tattle but he didn't think this was following department code. Then again what did he know? He also didn't dare betray Roman's trust. "Okay then..."  Logan replied, "You and I will do our very best to get to the bottom of this."

Roman seemed to relax ever so slightly at this. They sat in silence for the rest of the way. Logan tried to not let this bother him too much, but he had an odd suspicion about the case after what they had seen today. He didn't tell Roman, not after what he had just heard, but he had a feeling that the girl might not have been as completely innocent as Roman believed. 

…...

They got back to the station, and Roman was regretting telling Logan about knowing her. He just needed to tell someone and Logan was, or at least seemed to be trustworthy. He sat at his desk and wrote up his notes, watching as Logan sat at his own desk and the steady tapping of keyboards slowly fell in time with one another. "Hey, Logan? I'm sorry if I put a lot on you, back in the car. I don't think this is my fault, I know it's not. But it's my job to find them, the people who did this..."

Logan nodded slowly at this. "I get that I guess." So Roman was at the very least partially disillusioned in regards to his personal investment in the case and his heart was in the right place. That comforted him a bit. "Well, sorry if I seemed insensitive earlier, I tend to do that unwillingly.." Logan really wanted this partnership to go well. Not only for the sake of his new job but because he genuinely was starting to enjoy working with Roman.

Roman stared for a second, seeming to be considering something. "No, it's fine, I understand. I wouldn't really know how to react to something like that either. The captain knows that I knew her and how I knew her, just not in detail." Roman smiled at Logan meaningfully, taking a deep breath and starting to speak again. "I don't usually talk about anything, especially to people I  don’t know very well , but you seem...trustworthy. I like you, Logan, you aren't as...unpredictable as others can be. It feels safer." He smiled nervously and then went back to his typing. 

"I... I think that's the nicest thing anyone has said to me in a long time." Logan immediately blushed at hearing himself. Out loud always sounded different than in his head. He turned to his own screen and tried to look busy, which wasn't too hard since he was trying to reorganize all their current information. But it was true. Logan was used to being teased for being so tame, so unspontaneous. It wasn't that his old coworkers didn't have nice things to say, but it was always about the job and the things he did. Who he was as a person always seemed to be the butt of every joke.

Roman looked up from his work, pushing his fears down as they bubbled fiercely in the pit of his stomach. "You don't get many compliments?" He asked, a slight smirk picking upon his face as he immediately took the opportunity presented to him "That's surprising. I would have thought you'd get compliments all the time, especially with a face like that."

Now Logan knew his face had to be bright red and for the sake of not being completely embarrassed, he ignored the second half of that compliment. "Well I mean I'd receive praise in regards to my work ethic, getting the job done and being able to deliver. But I don't really get... how can I say this... I'm not used to... personal compliments." He looked up at Roman, hoping he understood what he meant. "It's funny... with you, I realise I don't feel like I have to feel bad about being myself." Logan swallowed, he couldn't remember the last time he'd been this honest with anyone.

"Well, they clearly didn't see what I see." Before he could even think about it, the words had already left his lips. Roman was internally freaking out, but on the outside, he looked at Logan with such care and honesty.  _ Logan is getting flustered, maybe tone it down a bit, don't scare him off _ , he thought to himself. Watching as Logan stuttered and hesitated while trying to form a coherent response, _ he really doesn't get that many compliments. _

Now Logan was in full panic mode. The kindness and sincerity in Roman's eyes were jarring to him. He desperately tried to answer something, but at the moment his thoughts just would not form sentences.  _ Is this guy flirting with me or I am reading way too much into this? _ Logan thought nervously. "Well... I.. thank you.. it means a lot coming from someone like you."

"Someone like me?" Roman beamed, watching the other officer as he quickly got more and more flustered. He got up and walked over to Logan's desk, sitting on the desk chair next to him. "What do you mean by that?" 

He looked annoyingly casual the whole time, not even slightly bothered, aside from the light blush against his freckled cheeks. Other than that, he looked slightly amused and still had the most infuriating and weirdly attractive smirk on his face.

_ Oh gosh, what did he mean by that? _ Logan felt cornered. He was afraid of what he might say or how it might be perceived. "It's just... you're experienced here... you've probably worked with a bunch of other people before so you know what you're talking about." _Gosh, that sounded lame and impersonal._ "I'd heard a lot about you before coming here. You're rather well known in the precinct. No one knows who I am unless they need me."

"Oh right, yes, of course. I've got quite the reputation, yes. Nonetheless, I appreciate the compliment, thank you." He got up and walked back over to his own desk, typing at his keyboard once again. He was rather disappointed. Of course, Logan was talking about his career and his reputation. He rubbed his hand across his face and sighed. "How long do you think you'll need to finish up your notes?"

"Oh um I'm just about finished here. 2 more minutes and I think this should cover everything for now." Logan had  thought he’d felt a shift in Roman's mood and he  was pretty sure he’d somehow messed up . Maybe Roman had actually been flirting with him. But now it was too late and Logan didn't know how to fix his blunder. He just wanted to finish and go home where he could try to wrap his head around everything.

"Good, I'm just about done, so I'll see you tomorrow?" Roman picked up his bag and tried to hide his disappointment with a smile as he rushed out to get to his car. He knew his mind was probably being a little hard on him, he should think it over and not let it change anything. He liked Logan and a silly crush wouldn't get in the way of that. He drove home and collapsed on his couch, extremely tired and a little upset.

Logan finished up and headed home, his head was throbbing by the time he got back.  What had just happened back there? Logan wasn’t entirely sure. Roman was unlike anyone he'd ever met. Sure he'd had the odd crush here and there, but  he wasn’t exactly sure what this was, it felt different somehow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story is part of the LLF Comment Project, (https://longlivefeedback.tumblr.com/llfcommentproject) which was created to improve communication between readers and authors. This author invites and appreciates feedback, including:
> 
> \- Short comments  
> \- Long comments  
> \- Questions/theories   
> \- Constructive criticism  
> \- “<3” as extra kudos  
> \- Reader-reader interaction
> 
> This author replies to comments.


	4. Bad Days Don't Always Stay Bad

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roman's having a bad day and at the end of it decides to subtly introduce Logan to Patton and Virgil at their cafe connected to a case to lift his spirits.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content warnings: Mention of nightmares, implied past trauma

Roman didn't feel good when he woke up the next morning. He woke up on his own, two hours before his alarm was supposed to go off because he had a nightmare.  
He felt tired; in general, pretty awful start to his morning. He made breakfast, had a shower and looked through his notes. By the time he was done, it was the time he would usually wake up. 

That morning, he drove to work much earlier than usual and arrived at 6 am, waiting for the others to get into work. While he was there, making extensive notes and analysis on his most recent case. It would give them a head start that day and also, give him and Logan less to work on so he could relax a little. 

When Logan walked into the office at eight, he looked at Roman with some concern walking over to his desk. Roman didn't look up from his computer. "Morning, Logan," he mumbled, sluggishly. "You want to take a look at these notes? There's a lot there, I could do with a second pair of eyes."

"Sure," Logan replied. He didn't like how weary Roman looked. He had dark circles around his eyes and his entire being emanated a lack of energy. He sat down and looked at the notes he'd been handed. He looked back up and saw that Roman was staring off into space. "Are you okay?" Logan asked softly, "You don't look too good."

Roman came back from the other world he seemed to be drifting in at Logan's words, "Me?... Oh, I'm fine, nothing to worry about. What do you think? Of the notes?" He was trying to be upbeat, the last thing he wanted was for Logan to worry about him.

"These are very thorough and well organized," Logan said smiling, hoping to ease the tension a bit. "As for their content, we still have our work cut out. Have we heard back from forensics yet?"

"They've investigated the area where you noticed the metallic substance at the foot of that tree. It's a mixture of glass and amber fragments. A small metal jewellery chain was found in the grass nearby. As for the tree, there was a small hollow compartment where more glass fragments were found along with a small chunk of the amber. No fingerprints though, I'm afraid," Roman yawned, before continuing. "The head of forensics on this investigation came in this morning. They didn’t think we'd be here so they were going to leave a note, but I was here, so they briefed me."

Logan nodded and typed out the information on his computer. "Did they say if the fragments looked like they were from some sort of container? Or were there any traces of some other substances on the pieces?" Logan felt his mind revert into work mode. He didn't want to overthink worrying about Roman, not right now anyway.

"Yes, there were traces of blood on some of the glass fragments. They can't tell exactly yet, but they think it was jewellery, a necklace or pendant of some kind." Roman rubbed his thumb and forefinger on his temple, massaging it lightly. "I'm so sorry Logan, you'll have to excuse me, I need to go take a painkiller." He stood up shakily and fumbled with his bag, grabbing a water bottle and a small box. He then walked out of the room.

So much for not worrying about him, Logan thought to himself. He wondered if he should talk to the captain about his concerns. He worried he'd be brushed off if he did so he thought better of it as he continued typing away at his computer and comparing the new notes to his own. He was deep in concentration by the time Roman came back and barely noticed as he sat down at his desk.

Roman placed the box back into his bag and took another sip from the bottle, before putting that in his bag too. He leaned forward, his head leaning against his hand as he sighed looking over at Logan. Throughout the day, Roman did minimal work, he drank a lot of water and eventually his headache went away, but there wasn't much he could do about the tiredness and fatigue he felt. Logan kept giving his concerned lingering glances and he didn't like that he was distracting him, but it felt good to know Logan cared enough to worry about him.

"Hey, you mentioned that you knew the girl from a youth café correct?" Logan asked. Roman nodded slowly at him, his face tense as if the memories hurt. "Have you asked around to see if anyone potentially knows anything about what happened?"

"No... no, I haven't, it's been closed, my brother, the owner, he's very upset by all this. There wouldn't have been a chance to. Though...I think Virgil might be helping him open up the shop tomorrow. Bad for business if it's closed too long, you see."

"Yeah, I can understand that. Do you think it would be worth giving it a shot when it does reopen?" Logan hoped he didn't seem too pushy, but they didn't have many other leads to go on for the moment and it seemed worth the try.

"We can, yes, it would be a smart idea. Would you like me to let Patton know we're coming?" Roman asked, his features open and a little less painful than they had been.  
"I mean, sure yeah, it would only be fair to advise him that we'd be coming with grounds for investigation after all." Logan was glad to see that Roman seemed a little more relaxed.

“Okay, I'll make sure I do that.” Roman looked at his computer screen and caught sight of the time "Logan, it's 4 pm, I know we usually go home for half four, but I don't think I'll be of much more use and I did come in two hours early this morning. Would you be okay on your own for half an hour? If you're not, I can stay. Or I could ask the captain if we could both go home a little early? We did get a lot done today. Or, if you wanted...we could go get a coffee from my brother's café to let him know about the interview tomorrow. It isn't open to the public today but Virgil and Patton live just above the café, I can guarantee they will be there prepping for opening tomorrow so it wouldn't be extra trouble."

Logan pondered for a moment. What exactly was Roman implying by this last offer? "Yeah sure that would be good if you're sure that they'd be okay with that," he answered finally smiling. Whatever this was he didn't want to pass this opportunity up to spend time with Roman off work.

"Okay, give me one second to go speak to the captain, I'll be right back," Roman beamed. He had energy flowing through him right now that he hadn't shown all day and his first genuine smile was directed right at Logan. He turned the corner and left Logan in the office.

Logan smiled to himself and sighed. He didn't usually hang out with coworkers outside of the office. Then again none of his other coworkers had ever really asked. He finished up the last of what he wanted to do for the day so that when Roman came back he was ready to go.

Roman rushed back in with a massive, dopey grin on his face, it was a change, to say the least. As he started speaking his eyes had a childlike gleam in them. "He said yes! Come on, hun lets go." He beamed grabbing his bag and rushing out to his car a clear optimism in his demeanour. Logan then heard him dashing through the double doors and heading down the stairs.

Logan couldn't help but laugh at this. Roman's energy was infectious. He picked his stuff up and headed out as well through the main office. He nodded to the captain on his way out. "You kids have fun," he called out to Logan with a knowing smile. Logan flushed at this and picked up his pace to catch up to Roman.

Roman smiled at Logan from his place in the front seat of his car and waited for him to get in, beckoning him in. Roman's music of choice was playing through the open window. It was a cheerful, high energy song that sounded very theatrical.

Logan was really glad to see Roman so happy. It did him good to be around someone who could find happiness in the simplest of things. "Why is it that you seem like a person who has a playlist for every occasion," he teased Roman as he entered the vehicle.  
"Making playlists is fun! I love giving them different themes and colours-" Roman then picked up on the teasing tone in Logan's voice and threw him a look of mock offence. "...You're making fun of me," he whined.

Logan smirked at this. "Investigator by day, Disney obsessed manchild by night," he said playfully. He couldn't help but wonder if this was how Roman coped with the dreariness of cases. One would have no choice but to be able to lift one's spirits easily if they were to stand a chance at doing this kind of job for an extended period. Logan was happy to kick back and relax for once.

Roman frowned, glaring playfully at Logan, "I'll have you know that I am not a manchild!" He huffed, crossing his arms, successfully holding back a smile.

"Oh yeah, sure, I'm really convinced now," Logan laughed good-naturedly. He hadn't had this much fun, in a long time.

Roman turned back to Logan and smirked evilly. "Oh, I'll convince you," he winked and started the car driving out of the parking lot and onto the road that led into town.

"Oh boy now I'm in for it," Logan mused. They soon arrived at the café. It was a nice two-story building lined with large windows looking into a cosy place. Logan wondered how he had never noticed it before.

"We're here," Roman smiled, "Come on, let's go." Roman climbed out of the car shutting the door and locking it behind Logan, he then proceeded to go up to the coffee shop and walk-in, pushing open the door.  
Roman walked into the quiet coffee shop and smiled at the sight of a quiet boy with purple hair who stood behind the counter, wiping it down. "Hey Virgil, we just wanted to let you guys know that we're coming in for an interview tomorrow."   
Virgil smiled slyly at Roman "We? I thought you worked alone. Have they finally found a partner for you that isn't a homophobe or just a massive dickhead? Are they cute?" Logan coughed, gaining the attention of Virgil who smirked. "Sup."

"Uh.. helo, I'm Logan," he replied, not quite sure what else to say for the moment. Roman had said that this guy was dating his brother. That could only mean that Virgil had been implying that for Roman's sake?

Virgil smirked giving Roman a knowing look. "I'm Virgil, I'll go get Pat, you two get a table." He snorted as Roman mock glared at him. Virgil disappeared upstairs and Roman then turned to Logan, "I'm so sorry about him, he can be a little too...Virgil, sometimes."

Logan's cheeks were now flushed a light pink. "Uh, haha yeah he's funny alright," Logan replied completely out of his wits. Roman gestured towards a table and they both sat down. Not long after, Virgil descended followed by another guy, he seemed to exude childlike energy even more so than Roman.

"Patton!" Roman smiled, "How are you?" The man in question then bounced over smiling at Roman brightly. "I'm pretty good, well, since-... As good as I can be, considering the circumstances. How about you, Ro? You still have those nightmares?... you look tired." 

Roman hesitated, "Yes, I am, but it's not that bad, I'll be fine. Logan, this is my brother, Patton. Patton, this is Logan, my partner." Patton beamed at him and held his hand out to shake Logan's, warmly. "Nice to meet you, Logan. Although Roman, 'partner' is a bit formal, you could just say boyfriend." He smiled, flouncing over to the coffee maker as Virgil snickered. Roman just sighed and rubbed his fingers across the bridge of his nose tiredly, while Logan’s cheeks went from pink to bright red.

"Patton," Virgil called, still chuckling to himself. "Yes, Virgil?" Patton asked, concentrated on making the coffee. "He used ‘partner’ because they aren't dating. They’re work partners." Virgil managed to get out between laughs. Patton looked up from the coffee he was making and considered for a second. "Oh... Oh, I'm so sorry, you two, I didn't mean to assume. I just thought because Roman works alone that he wouldn't get another partner. You must be very good at what you do, Logan. Roman has gained a very unhealthy tendency to carry the workload of two people, it's not good for him."

"Yeah I can see that," responded Logan, glancing over at Roman who had carry-on under-eye bags. "Um it...it's nice to meet you two... this is a nice place you have..." Logan hated small talk like nothing else but so help him they really needed to move on to another subject.

Patton moved back to making the coffee, "Yeah, it's taken a lot to build a proper safe place for young people to just be themselves. It's a difficult thing to do. Teenagers, they just don't know where's a safe place anymore. I'm proud of what we've done here. It's really a nice place. It was Virgil’s idea, we all worked together to get it done. How's the investigation going? Virgil said you needed an interview tomorrow?"

"Yeah, if that's okay with you... and if it would be okay to ask around with some other regulars who might have also known the vic...I mean.. the.. you know.." Logan felt bad saying it out loud. He didn't want to appear as if he didn't see that they were grieving this loss.

"Oh...Do you mean Amanda?... Yes, that's fine, just-" Patton was interrupted by Virgil cutting in and finishing for him. "Find the bastard who did this. Amanda was...a good kid...she was in the wrong crowd, but she really was a sweet girl." Patton nodded in agreement, walking over and placing their coffee on the table and then wrapping his arms around Virgil's waist. Roman nodded at Virgil in affirmation, "We will."

"Oh yeah.. for sure... I mean... I don't have the same uh... personal involvement but of course. We will do everything we can so that the truth comes to light," Logan responded nervously.

Patton sighed, "Good, well, it was very nice to meet you, Logan but we have things to set up for tomorrow, upstairs. I really appreciate the notice, though, we would have been swamped tomorrow." He then turned and walked upstairs with Virgil in tow.

"Are you alright?" Roman asked once they were gone. "I love them, but they can be a little much, sometimes. You looked a little...well, uncomfortable. Pretty much exactly how Virgil looks when he wants to, 'escape’ a social situation."

"It shows that much huh?" Logan replied sheepishly. "I'm really not much of a people person, to be honest, Asperger's syndrome tends to make social interactions a little more... complicated I guess."

"That's perfectly fine, Virgil isn't much of a people person either. The last thing I would want is for you to be uncomfortable, please let me know if that happens. I don't want you to feel stuck or overwhelmed, especially when there's something I can do to help." Roman smiled at Logan with a determined and genuine look in his eye.

"Thank you," Logan sighed with gratitude. "I really appreciate you being understanding, not everyone is." They locked eyes for a moment, Roman stared into Logan's eyes and then managed to pull away from his reverie. 

"Well, you deserve respect just as much as anybody else does, Logan. Some understanding in the face of something so personal is the least I could do." 

Logan smiled back. He felt oddly comfortable in Roman’s presence, in a way he had never felt before. It took a special kind of person to be so non-judgemental of another’s character. "We should probably get going," he said eventually, his common sense taking over once more.

"Yeah...Yes, of course, I'll drive you home." He smiled, getting up and walking over to the door, holding it open for Logan as he smiled at him gaily. It was now undeniable, he clearly felt something for Logan and was surprised at how natural it felt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story is part of the LLF Comment Project, (https://longlivefeedback.tumblr.com/llfcommentproject) which was created to improve communication between readers and authors. This author invites and appreciates feedback, including:
> 
> \- Short comments  
> \- Long comments  
> \- Questions/theories  
> \- Constructive criticism  
> \- “<3” as extra kudos  
> \- Reader-reader interaction
> 
> This author replies to comments.


	5. Dinner?... Just The Two Of Us?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Logan's birthday comes around and he's shocked to find out that this year someone actually not only remembered but also got him a gift.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content warnings: Brief mentions of nightmares, unhealthy habits

They drove in silence for most of the way. Now and again they would exchange glances. They drove up to the building where Logan's condo was. "This is my stop." 

"Right, of course. Would you like me to walk you up to your apartment, or are you okay from here?" Roman offered.

"Um well I mean it's not like I really need help finding my place," Logan started. Obviously, he could get back home fine from here. He thought he felt Roman shrink back a little at this. It then hit him that that question probably had subtext. Of course Roman would know he was fine on his own, yet here he was wanting to spend as much time as possible with him. "But," he continued, "I'm not against the company." 

Roman smiled and then climbed out of the car, walking over to where Logan was. They started walking, their footsteps matching each other. "Hey, Logan?" Roman asked quietly as he looked around the small area they were walking in absent-mindedly. "Why did you move to our department from your last one?"

"Oh well um... let's just say that not all jobs at the CSI are esteemed in the same fashion. I was the head supervisor of the archives, but no one cares about you here unless you do something on the field or closely related to the field. No matter what I did, or what I accomplished, all I was to everyone was just a pencil pusher. Which hurt because I really truly felt like I could contribute more, but no one ever took me seriously." Logan was starting to get worked up as he continued speaking. "I've been told many times to stop playing Sherlock Holmes and leave the work to the real detectives." Logan stopped walking at this point, they were standing in front of his door now.

Roman watched Logan carefully, listening to him with a thoughtful expression. "Hey," he said gently once Logan had finished speaking. His voice was low and calming as he took Logan's hand and squeezed it, gently soothing him with the grounding touch. "Look... I don't say these things to people often, but actually, you’re a pretty good investigator... A real detective would encourage others to follow in their footsteps, they clearly weren't that great if all they could do was make fun of you. You are a great person to work with and be around... it hasn't been as bad as I thought..." He was very close as he held Logan's cool hands in his own. Logan could smell his musky, sweet-smelling cologne and his comforting expression was at least doing something to ease his mind.

"Why are you telling me this... why do you care so much?" Logan couldn't help but ask. His mind was reeling from Roman's words, his heart was pounding. He'd never felt so... so... valued before, it was jarring to him. His hands felt clammy and yet Roman was still holding them. 

"I care about you, Logan," Roman said. "You're a good friend. Though I do believe we got off on the wrong foot. You are a good partner; I feel like I'm not doing all the work for once. It's nice to know there's someone I can work with who I can trust with a job and know it will be done well and with a good amount of effort put into it. You'll try to get it as good as it can be, I appreciate that. You also seem to...balance me out quite well. I suppose this is my way of saying thank you." He smiled, hoping he correctly put his thoughts into words.

Logan managed to offer a small smile back, he was truly touched by Roman’s words. “Thank you, Roman… it means a lot to me to hear you say that.” Finally, he pulled his hands away, the ongoing touch was starting to feel a little too awkward. He looked down for a moment before returning his gaze to Roman’s. “I also really have grown to appreciate having you as a partner. It’s nice to feel like what I do actually matters, without having to change who I am or how I do things for all that.” An understanding seemed to pass between the two of them. “Well, goodnight I guess,” Logan spoke as he took out his keys to unlock the door, “See you tomorrow.” 

Roman nodded, "Have a nice evening, Logan." He smiled, waving to him as he headed back to his car.

…………… 

Over the next couple of weeks, Roman found himself becoming more and more fond of Logan's presence and appreciated his sense of logic in certain situations where his enthusiasm did admittedly become a little too much. It was nice to have a friend who understood and got him the way Logan did. He tried to push away the more troubling thoughts of when he seemed to stare at Logan when he wasn't looking or some of their eye contact that lingered a little bit too long. He didn't want or need to think about that.

Never before had Logan looked forward to going to work each morning. Not that he hadn’t enjoyed the other jobs he’d had before, but he finally felt like he’d found his place within the team. He also had to admit that he really truly enjoyed working with Roman, they made a great team and that was something he’d never really experienced before. 

Roman found that every day he was talking to Logan that much more and wasn't even slightly objecting to it, it was great. He felt himself smiling more, being generally happier and found his days a little brighter. The usually long days didn't feel as tedious and he found himself wanting to stay at work with Logan because home for him had a lonely feel to it that he didn't want to think about for fear that he already knew its origin. The loneliness ate away at him, attacking him during the nights. By morning, he was able to brush it off and he had the motivation to take care of himself a little better, it was a very welcome change of pace.

Logan had begun to notice a gradual change in his overall mood. He didn’t feel nearly so anxious all the time when at work and with the others, especially with Roman. Where before he would have happily rushed home the moment his day was done, he found himself hanging back to chat with Roman at the end of work. While not entirely becoming all that much more sociable, he didn’t mind the interactions nearly so much as he used to. He felt more relaxed, more upbeat, Roman’s optimistic energy was contagious and strangely attractive to him. There were even times where he found himself alone at home almost missing that feeling. 

…...

Roman walked into the office. It was a normal Friday morning for anyone else, but Roman couldn't say the same. He wore a barely noticeable frown on his face. The night before, he'd spoken to an old friend and they'd asked him about some sensitive topics. He hadn't realised at the moment, but talking about it as if everything was okay had dug up some things he'd long since buried. It didn't help that when he'd said he'd rather not talk about it, they got offended and asked if Roman still trusted them which made Roman feel bad so he'd given in and told him. As a result, he'd gotten a few hours of sleep, broken up in small intervals of the night because of the nightmares and general uneasiness that loomed over him. He was exhausted.

Logan was already busy on something when Roman arrived that day. As he heard him arrive he instinctively felt his head lift to look up at him. “Hey,” he started cheerily, Roman giving him a smile and a nod. Logan immediately felt that something was off. He’d unwittingly learned Roman’s usual mannerisms and this wasn’t one of them. It wasn’t anything huge, but still, enough that it left him with an odd suspicious feeling, he tried to brush it off.  
They got to work and the feeling stayed with Logan throughout the morning. Once it got around to early afternoon he just couldn’t take it anymore. He looked over at Roman to see that he seemed lost in thought, his gaze fixed on the wall. “Hey, Roman… I hope I’m not overstepping here but… are you okay?” His words seemed to startle Roman out of his stupor. 

"Hmm?" he hummed, looking up at Logan. "Oh, right, uh... I'm okay, I guess, just tired. I had a rather sleepless night." He frowned, his unfocused gaze shifting from his work to look at Logan completely. "I had to have a...difficult conversation with an old friend that I didn't really want to be a part of. I suppose I didn't think it would affect me this way," he shrugged, running a hand across his face and sighing in defeat. 

“Oh..” Logan wasn’t quite sure how to respond. He wasn’t exactly very good at being the comforting type. “I’m sorry to hear that. I get it though,” he mused thoughtfully. Tough conversations were a thing he’d, unfortunately, had a lot of experience with. He knew that often they were necessary, but they also left him feeling rather out of it. “I’m guessing the outcome of the conversation wasn’t exactly what you hoped for?” 

"I guess you could say that," Roman hummed, taking a sip of water and skimming through his paperwork. It was a summary of the most recent crime scene they'd been to and he was struggling so much more than he usually would be. As Logan made quick work of several piles of papers, he was still stuck on the first few pages and it was almost painful. 

Logan could see that Roman’s mind was just not in it today. “Do you want some help with that?” he offered, genuinely concerned at this point. 

"Actually, yeah, I'd appreciate that," he smiled gratefully, letting out a yawn as Logan made his way over to his desk and stood behind him. 

Logan began looking over the neglected and poor quality work, or at least poor compared to Roman's usual standard of work. Roman knew Logan didn't think lowly of his work because of his mistakes like he did, but Roman always found difficulty in actually giving himself credit when it was due.

While not being terrible, Logan could definitely tell this wasn’t Roman’s best work. “Your ideas are a little all over the place,” he spoke as he cocked his head, trying to see how the elements could be organised. “Do you mind if I take a go at rearranging a few things?” 

“Yeah, of course, go for it,” Roman said, letting out a tired sigh and shifting so Logan could stand over his work. Logan then inspected the sheet in front of him, his eyes scanned over the notes. He picked up a pen and grabbed a loose sheet of paper, writing down some numbers, drawing arrows and several small notes for organizing his ideas. 

Roman hadn’t quite realised, but in his tired frame of mind, he’d lost focus and was staring at Logan rather than the papers, watching the way his lips moved as he spoke, but not quite computing what he was saying. Noticing the way he held the pen, elegantly moving his hand to jot down a general summary of what he was explaining, but not quite picking up on the words that he actually wrote, being unable to focus on them.

“So yeah it’s up to you in the end, but this might help you give a better sense of direction to your notes,” Logan finished saying as he raised his head. It was at that moment that he noticed Roman staring at him. He couldn’t tell whether he was just spaced out or if he had been intently staring at him. “Hello, earth to Roman,” he spoke, hoping to break his trance. “You okay there?” At these words, Roman seemed to realize what he was doing and his cheeks flushed a light shade of pink. 

Roman shook his head, trying to pull himself out of the daze he’d somehow fallen into. “Gosh, I’m sorry, Logan, I’m really not able to concentrate at all today.” he sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose with his thumb and forefinger. “I really appreciate the help. I’m usually better with my notes, but the reorganisation will really help me to find what I'm looking for faster.” 

“Alright then, always happy to help.” Logan strode back to his chair to continue his work. Before doing so he glanced back up towards Roman one last time. “You know, if ever you need some more help, don’t hesitate to ask okay.” He offered him a warm smile then turned back to the papers on his desk. 

Roman smiled over at him. “Okay, I won't, thank you, Logan,” he said, looking back at his work. A gentle smile stuck on his face every time he looked over at Logan or thought about his notes or the way he smiled at him. It was nice to know that there was someone like Logan that he could truly rely on. 

.........................

Logan’s first few months at the precinct had flown by without him noticing. Before he knew it autumn was rolling around. It was mid-October when he walked into the office one day to a package on his desk. He strode over to his chair, utterly confused as to what it was doing there. Roman was at his desk already working. “Uh Roman, what’s this on my desk for?” 

“Oh, you don’t know?” Roman smiled, standing up and walking over to Logan’s desk, a certain spring in his step which was easily recognizable. “It’s your birthday, Lo,” he beamed. “I looked into the files because I remembered seeing your birthday was at some point in October and I wanted to get you something,” he explained, leaning against Logan’s desk. 

For a moment Logan was dumbstruck, somehow he’d managed to forget his own birthday. In his defense, he never really did anything for his birthday so it generally didn’t feel different from any other day. He never told anyone about it because he didn’t care for that kind of attention and was never really close to any of his coworkers for it to actually matter. “Oh um, thank you…” Logan could feel himself blushing, he was oddly touched by this attention of Roman’s. 

Roman grinned, “You’re very welcome, Logan.” It was obvious now that Roman was waiting for Logan to open his present as he made his way back over to his own desk. 

Roman hovered just behind him excitedly, as he slowly took back the wrapping paper which was a simple navy blue. Behind that, neatly placed wrapping paper was a book with drawings, photographs, illustrations and theories about space. Quotes from different astronomers and astrophysicists lined almost every page and it was just a very beautiful gift. He was looking for one online but couldn’t find anything he knew Logan would like. He wanted to be accurate with something Logan would actually appreciate so he’d put one together himself. He’d gotten the idea because his coworker seemed to be obsessed with space, so this gift idea was too perfect to pass up.

Logan was stunned by the present, for something that was clearly handmade it was remarkably well done. He was taken aback at how thoughtful the gift was, he was flattered but wasn’t entirely sure what to think of it. “Wow Roman, I-... thank you.”  
Logan looked up at him and smiled, “This must have taken you quite some time and it’s pretty good too.” He flipped through the pages, carefully running his fingers over the different images and quotes. The attention to detail was pretty spot on and he could appreciate that. “How did you know that I was such a space nerd?” Logan was slightly confused as to how Roman had known this in the first place. 

Roman fought the urge to be slightly disappointed at Logan's reaction. By now, Roman was aware that his partner just expressed feelings differently than he did and Logan did say he liked it...in his own way, which was a plus. He just didn't react the way Roman imagined or was used to when he made something for one of his friends. "Oh, um, there are a few things on your desk that are space-related and you've mentioned something along those lines a few times. Since you seem like the type of person to talk about things you find interesting very rarely I figured it must be important to you." 

“Oh, right, yes.” Logan looked towards his desk and had to acknowledge that he did indeed have incriminating evidence of his special interest in space. “I guess I don’t usually notice that kind of stuff.” He had a small moment of guilt at realizing that he wouldn’t have really been able to say what Roman was interested in, despite their being coworkers for a while now. He put the book down and turned to his work. 

Roman nodded, with the type of person that Logan was he didn’t expect that kind of thing to be extremely noticeable to him. Roman himself, had always been the type of person to pick up on small things about a person, even very soon after meeting them. However, he could understand that not everyone did that and it was more difficult for some, which he assumed was the case with Logan.  
As he sat in his chair, finishing the rest of his work, he tried not to feel disappointed at the lack of reaction and instead focused on the fact that he’d still done it. It had actually been fun to learn and teach himself about the topic to get accurate facts.

As they continued on their work for the day, Logan would now and again glance at his bag where he’d placed the book Roman had gifted him. As much as he wasn’t surprised that this was the sort of thing Roman did for people, he hadn’t thought they were close enough to warrant such a personalised gift. The day went on and when the end of the day rolled around Logan gathered his things to go home. “So see you tomorrow Roman.” 

Roman smiled, he'd been thinking and throughout the day he decided that a birthday dinner might be more Logan's speed. They could talk and get to know each other a little better, which was something Roman wanted to do since Logan was such an interesting and mysterious person to him. "Uh wait up, Logan," he called, picking up his bag and slinging it onto his shoulder, a slight spring in his step as he hurried to catch up to him. "Would you like to go out for dinner, maybe? You know, because it's your birthday and all?" he beamed, doing up the clasp on the side of his bag and looking back up at Logan, a goofy smile on his face.

Logan stopped abruptly, a blank look on his face. This was a first and he wasn’t exactly sure how to respond. “Um, yeah I, uh, sure ok,” he stuttered out, feeling rather flustered by the prospect. He’d never gone out for dinner with a colleague, much less for his birthday. His mind was in social panic mode but he tried his best not to seem rude, he really did appreciate Roman after all. 

At this, Roman's smile softened, his hand going to the cuff of his sleeve to arrange it as he turned to Logan. "Hey, don't worry. There's a small low-tone café nearby, it's nice and I just thought you might like to go out for your birthday rather than staying in. Not that I'm assuming you don't already have plans. You don't have to though, it's just an offer," he smiled warmly. "You're my friend, or at least I like to think we're relatively close, and I'd hate for you to have to spend your birthday alone." he finished, pulling his phone out and checking through it, noticing a text from Patton and a few emails.

Logan would have wanted to be able to protest, but the truth was that he indeed had no plans. He still wasn’t entirely sure why Roman was being so chummy, he really wasn’t the most interesting person to be around. In the end, he really didn’t have anything better to do, so he might as well go along. It would give him something to tell his therapist to get him off his back for not being social enough. “Well thank you, I don’t usually do stuff like this, but I guess it could be fun.” 

"It's no pressure, honestly, everyone needs to have fun once in a while," Roman grinned, reaching up and pushing the hair from his own face before continuing to speak. "It isn't like this is a date, Logan," he smiled, lifting his head from his phone and looking over at him. 

An immediate flush came across Logan’s cheeks at this remark, he looked away from Roman nervously. Why did he have to say that? Logan had struggled with his sexuality for a long time and he still was rather uncomfortable talking about it. At this point, it was pretty clear where Roman stood on the matter, but he had yet to say anything in that respect. “Um.. yeah.. sure ok,” Logan attempted to chuckle but it was rather half-hearted. Nonetheless, he followed Roman to his car.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story is part of the LLF Comment Project, (https://longlivefeedback.tumblr.com/llfcommentproject) which was created to improve communication between readers and authors. This author invites and appreciates feedback, including:
> 
> \- Short comments  
> \- Long comments  
> \- Questions/theories  
> \- Constructive criticism  
> \- “<3” as extra kudos  
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> This author replies to comments.


	6. A Blossoming Friendship

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Logan and Roman's relationship seems to only be going uphill, the two's friendship developing into mutuality when Roman has a realisation... Will this new factor change everything between them or will nothing change? Will whatever comes of this be good? Could this be the start of something much bigger between them?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content warnings: None

Roman drove them over to the restaurant. Conversation being pretty natural for him, he hoped to encourage Logan to try and have fun. It was difficult to talk to Logan when he just stuck to short answers or looked as if he didn't know what to say. Roman decided to just try and talk about something less personal and more within Logan's territory. "So, I actually didn't know much about astronomy before so I had to research for your gift and it all seems really cool," he hummed. "But I didn't exactly understand how the scale of planets works out. The numbers get all jumbled in my head and I don't exactly have much to compare it to. Physical examples I can see make it much easier for me to comprehend sizing.”

“Yeah space is kind of huge,” Logan chuckled, slowly relaxing as they drove. “I mean just starting with the sun is complicated. If we thought of the earth being the size of a pea, the sun in comparison would be about the size of a beach ball. So just that as a sizing difference makes making any scale model of the solar system really hard to do accurately. Then there’s not only the matter of the size of the planets themselves but also the relative distance between them all which is insane.” He proceeded to rant about space to his heart’s content until they reached the restaurant. 

Roman smiled, it seemed to be working a little better now. Things were nice and the conversation, though an awkwardness lingered over it, seemed a lot lighter. When they were done, Roman smiled over at Logan. He was laughing and it was capturing almost all of his attention. He hadn't seen Logan laugh like that before and it was so amazing to see him happy. Roman drove him home and as they sat in the car, just outside his house, Roman looked over at him. "That was a lot of fun, thank you for letting me take you, Logan. I appreciate your company out of work...it's actually really pleasant, you're a really cool person, Logan" he smiled. 

Logan snorted at this, “I don’t think anyone’s ever told me that.” Most people found him at best off-putting if not outright dry and emotionally unavailable. It was nice to spend time with someone who was able to see beyond that. “But yes, this really was pleasantly surprising. I’m glad you suggested it, thank you for this.” He gave Roman a genuine smile as he went to open the door on his side, stopping a moment before he did so. “It’s been nice feeling like I’ve actually been able to make a friend at work. I know I’m not the most approachable person so thank you for that. See you tomorrow.” He stepped out of the car and walked back to his apartment, turning to give Roman a final wave before he went in. 

Roman smiled at him from the car, a light press on his chest forming when Logan was out of sight. It almost felt like with every step further away Logan got, another rock was placed on his chest. He bit his lip and as he started the car decided that rather than going home right away, he wanted to go to see Patton and Virgil. The drive over to their house was slow and almost tortuous with the quickly increasing sinking feeling. The worst part of it all being that he had no idea where the feeling was coming from. Up until those last few minutes, he was fine. He pulled into the parking lot of Virgil and Patton’s cafe, knowing they wouldn’t mind, and made his way inside, knocking on their front door.

Patton opened the door to him, beaming as he beckoned him in. “Roman, what a surprise, so good to see you!” He hugged Roman tightly before they made their way to the living room where Virgil was sitting on the couch, pausing the TV as he turned to Roman. “Hey Ro, to what do we owe this unexpected visit?” Patton sat back down next to Virgil as Roman settled himself on the other couch. 

Roman sighed, catching his lip between his teeth and chewing on it fiercely. “Well, you see…” he started, his body heaving out another sigh, “I was just with Logan, my partner, you know, you’ve met him. But anyway, I offered to take him to dinner since it’s his birthday today and I didn't want him to spend it alone.” He paused, looking down and between his brother and his best friend who were both listening. Patton gave him an encouraging nod for him to continue.

“We actually had fun, it was really nice to spend time with him and get to know him a little better. Once we got past the actual asking him if he wanted to go, it was really fun. I got him to start talking about space and you know how when someone talks about something they’re passionate about and their eyes just shine, that was it. It was a really nice time for the both of us…” He trailed off, “So, why do I feel like I want to cry? Why does it feel like my whole chest is tight and my stomach is constricting? And why ...why do I feel like I just got rejected?”

Patton and Virgil glanced at each other, an understanding passing between them. They had seen how Roman had been around Logan, and they could also see now how he was when he spoke about him. “Well…” Patton started, “How did the evening end exactly? Did he say anything that would warrant how you’re feeling?” Virgil opened his mouth as if he was about to say something but a look from Patton made him decide to keep it shut for the moment and to let Roman speak. 

Roman looked up in thought for a second, “Everything was fine, it was great, in fact…” he stopped, looking back to the ceiling as if the pale plaster would give him all the answers to why he was feeling the way he was. “Well, it was, until I brought him home. I stopped the car and it was something he said, but I don't understand why that would be upsetting me. All he said was that he had a good time and he was happy to have a friend like me at work.” He frowned, now even more confused than when he started. 

Patton tried to hold back the grin that was spreading across his face. He glanced back at Virgil who’s own expression showed that he was thinking the same as him. “Roman… you don’t… you don’t by any chance have a crush on this coworker do you?” He spoke carefully, it was a sensitive subject for Roman, but he knew his brother well enough now to know that look when he saw it. 

Roman looked semi-shocked for a second. His head shot up to look at the both of them, and upon seeing no form of teasing he relaxed slightly. “I mean...maybe...I do notice things about him more than I would to others. Earlier when I gave him his birthday present, I’m pretty sure I caught him off guard. But he was trying to be nice and I appreciated the effort, though I don’t think homemade gifts are the way to go. But the thing I notice most of all is his little quirks. He does this thing where he pushes his glasses up his nose and always adjusts his tie, despite it being perfectly in place. Just small things that I notice and can’t help but smile at...oh my god, I like Logan.” 

Virgil smirked at this while Patton grinned widely. “Awe, you are just too cute. Did you just realize this just now?” Patton asked, giggling softly. Roman gave him a look and his grin receded slightly as he attempted to keep composed. Virgil offered him a more concerned look, he knew that Patton tended to get carried away but this was still a serious matter. “You okay dude? How are you feeling?” 

“I don’t really...I don’t really know...I haven't had any kind of crush or even felt nearly that comfortable with someone since…” Roman winced, “Well, you know. I’m worried really, anything could happen. Logan is predictable, not in a boring way, but in a way that’s trustworthy and reliable. That’s why I've always felt so comfortable with him I guess, but that didn’t mean I was prepared for this.” He sighed, a sharp intake of breath slipping through his lips. “I really wasn’t prepared to feel anything for him,” he groaned, rubbing his face in his hands.

At this Patton eyes filled with worry. He went to sit next to Roman, wrapping his arms comfortingly around him. “Hey, it’s okay…” He rubbed his hand across Roman’s back in an attempt to soothe his nerves. He shot a nervous glance towards Virgil who just sat there, a grim smile on his face. 

“I’m not so sure it is,” Roman sighed, running a hand haphazardly through his hair. “One second, you two, I think I need a glass of water,” he mumbled, pulling himself to stand and walking into the kitchen. As he walked back in, a glass of water in hand, he looked a little more composed. “I just don’t really know what to do with this information. It’s not like he’s interested in me, even if I wanted to pursue it. And even if he was, I wouldn’t be so sure myself whether I'm ready for a relationship. It’s been a long time, but it never feels long enough,” he finished with a frown.

“Well, maybe you’re more ready than you think you are,” Patton offered, his voice soft and sincere. “What do you think, Virge?” Virgil leaned his arms on his knees, resting his chin on his hands. “I mean… it has been a while Roman… and well, we don’t really know this Logan guy much, other than what you’ve told us. But from what we saw when we briefly met him he seemed like a decent guy. Not that looks can’t be deceiving.” He winced in the recollection of Roman’s last relationship. 

“Yeah...he is...he is a nice guy, he’s lovely, just...it worries me, is all. Ever since the problems with my ex, I just feel inadequate, especially in a romantic sense and it really sucks because I miss it. I miss the grandeur of surprising someone. The happiness I get from being able to love someone...” he sighed. ”I just really want to stop being afraid to take the leap.” He huffed, putting the glass down and flopping back on the couch. 

Patton looked over at him sympathetically, “I know you must be scared, but sometimes… sometimes it can be worth it to give it a shot. I mean, just take Virgil and me. You got to witness how that went and look at us now.” Patton went back to sit next to Virgil, beaming at him affectionately; Virgil returned the smile and kissed him on the cheek. 

Roman smiled weakly. “Yeah, I guess you’re right, maybe I'll ask him. It would have to be the right moment and I still have a lot to think about,” he said, letting out a rough sigh and running the tip of his finger over the rim of the glass which he’d picked back up and was held by just his fingertips. “But, he’s worth it,” Roman smiled, “The dynamic in my head, it just makes sense and I really like his company.. it’s just....I haven’t done this for a while and I want to get it right,” he frowned.

“Awe that’s so sweet Ro,” Patton beamed over at him. “Hang on a sec though,” Virgil cut in, suddenly realising something. “He’s into guys, right? Here we are going on about this but do we even know if he’d be able to feel the same way in the first place? Has he ever led on what his sexuality was?” The three of them stopped for a moment, hit by the realisation.

Roman frowned, “Well, I'm not too sure.” he stated, “He’s never mentioned a partner at all, actually. He doesn’t seem to be the type of person to be awfully social or one to talk about his personal life, but I guess I got the idea from how he behaves around me.” He paused, contemplating for a second. “I’m often a naturally charismatic person when I know who I’m talking to, so the fact that he seemed to respond positively to my friendly joking and I suppose even a little bit of accidental flirting or just how he reacts when I compliment him, but I suppose that might be that he just isn’t sure how to take compliments.” 

Patton’s brows furrowed slightly as his lips twisted into a questioning look. “It might be best to figure that out first before you get your hopes up or anything.” 

Virgil nodded his head in agreement. “Yeah, it would be best, for both of your own sakes. I mean, he could just be easily flustered. Your comments are enough to make straight people confused after all.” From the brief period they had met him, Virgil had felt like he could recognize himself in a few ways in Logan’s manner, he knew how Roman came off to new people. 

Roman let a tiny hint of a smile slip onto his face at that. “Well, I suppose you’re right, I do need to find that out first,” he said, biting his lip. “Then, if he is gay and potentially interested, I could just ask him if he’d like to go out for coffee sometime?” Roman said, hesitantly, getting validation that his new idea was a lot better and likely would be more effective. After that, he was a lot calmer and felt almost at ease. He headed home, a new sense of motivation washing over him as he felt all the more prepared for his current situation.

******************

Logan’s birthday had been on a Friday and he spent the weekend feeling rather happy. He was still surprised at just how much of a good time he’d had with Roman. It was a weird reminder of just how out of touch he’d gotten with the whole concept of socialising. He took the time to properly look over the gift Roman had made him, smiling as he flipped through the different pages of the book. When he went in for work on Monday morning he walked into the office to see Roman already at his desk working. “Hey, I just wanted to thank you again for the gift, I really truly appreciate it. You’re really quite talented I had no idea,” Logan spoke as he set himself up at his own desk. 

Roman smiled over at him, the lingering sadness that had stayed with him after their last meeting long gone now as he tried to put more positive ideas into his head with high hopes for what might be in his foreseeable future. “Morning, Logan,” he replied, grinning over at him. “I’m just glad you like it, projects like that are so much fun. Yeah, it feels a little down heartening when you put in the work to make something nice for someone and they don’t like it, but I didn’t want to get you something like a mug.” 

“Well personalized gifts really do exemplify thoughtfulness and can definitely be an excellent medium for the use of one’s talents. I guess that’s why DIY’s are all the rage nowadays.” Logan personally had never understood the hype, but he felt that it would be rude to say so. He generally didn’t really care what people thought, social interactions and relations were often more trouble than they were worth. 

However, Logan had really grown to appreciate Roman as his work partner and he definitely did not want to do or say anything that would needlessly upset him. Especially since Roman seemed like a rather emotional person who would likely mistake the meaning or intention behind his words. What they currently had going was really nice and Logan didn’t want to mess that up. 

Throughout the day, Roman got his work done with a peppiness that he didn't usually feel. When their lunch break rolled around Roman looked over at Logan, leaning against his desk. "I'm going to a concert next week," he commented, prodding at bits of his pasta with a fork. "I really like the LGBT representation in a lot of the songs coming out lately. I think it's really important to have that in popular media,” he said, sitting down on the edge of his desk, one of his legs tucked under him, the other hanging off the desk. "As a kid, it would have made life a whole lot easier if I saw things like this." He smiled, pointing to a rainbow poster stuck on the notice board, just outside the office.

“Oh, um, I guess… I’m not much into music.” Logan’s eyes stayed fixed to his salad, averting his gaze. This was a topic he definitely wasn’t very comfortable talking about and he could feel his cheeks flushing against his will. He had only ever come out to his parents and his therapist. The first time had gone terribly and the second time was done rather unwillingly. He wasn’t really keen on going through that all once more. Then again, he really didn’t have any reason to be afraid of the subject when it came to Roman. “I guess I kind of understand what you mean though about the whole representation aspect.” He managed to lift his head and offer Roman a small smile. 

At this, Roman smiled. "I just think representation is a nice way of telling people who might be part of a minority that just because they're part of that minority that doesn't mean they won't or shouldn't be included.” He hopped off the desk, putting the metal container of pasta down and picking up his water bottle to take a sip. "It would be so much nicer if people didn't have to feel like they have to fight for their right to be different," Roman said, his eyebrows furrowed in thought. “It was one of the reasons I got into police work. I wanted to have a chance to help people and to make a difference." he smiled.

Logan returned the smile. “Yeah, there’s so much stigma surrounding so many different issues. Unfortunately, not everyone is willing to be understanding, for more reasons than one.” He put away his platter in his bag, sitting back in his chair as he stared out of the window. “At least things are getting better. It’s nice to not feel so alone.” Their lunch break was over at this point so they both returned to their work for the afternoon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story is part of the LLF Comment Project, (https://longlivefeedback.tumblr.com/llfcommentproject) which was created to improve communication between readers and authors. This author invites and appreciates feedback, including:
> 
> \- Short comments  
> \- Long comments  
> \- Questions/theories  
> \- Constructive criticism  
> \- “<3” as extra kudos  
> \- Reader-reader interaction
> 
> This author replies to comments.


	7. Accidents Can Sometimes Be A Good Thing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roman asks Logan a big question, but doesn't get the reaction he was expecting... Will an accidental drunken confession fix everything?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content warnings: rejection, anger, arguing, alcohol, drunk main character.

That evening, when Roman went home, he felt even more optimistic about his chances. He was becoming slightly worried when he realised that he might have a crush on a guy that couldn't possibly be into him, not only because he wasn't attracted to him specifically, but because he wasn't even gay. Roman got in, closing the door and dropping his bag by the coffee table. He flopped down on the couch and sighed, picking up his phone and dialing Patton's number. The phone rang a few times, the shrill noise buzzing through Roman's head until it abruptly stopped, the shuffling of a phone being moved on the other end of the line was heard as he greeted his brother. "Hey, Pat!"

“Hey Ro! How are you? How was your day?” Patton responded with a happy chipper voice.  
"I'm...actually pretty good," he smiled. "I spoke to Logan today," he said, feeling like a teenager again as he gossiped with his brother about cute boys.  
“That’s fantastic! You sound so happy, I’m glad to hear you like this. When are you going to ask him out?” 

Roman hummed, "I'm not sure...I guess I'm still a little worried about what might happen..." he sighed, running his hand through his hair. "This is still very different and I guess I just don't want to fall into the same dangerous habits as before." 

“Well you definitely don’t want to do that… but I don’t think that would happen here. Listen, I don’t know why, but I get the feeling this is going to end up going well for you.” 

"Yeah, me too," Roman sighed, "I really think he's worth it and I'm also pretty certain that he's gay which means I have a chance at least." He hummed, "I think I'm going to ask him after work tomorrow." 

“I’m rootin for you Ro. Let me know how it goes after I want to hear all about it!” 

Roman smiled, "Well...thanks Pat, and...if this does go badly, you'll be there right?" he said, biting his lip and letting some of his internalised vulnerability seep through.

“Of course I will. I always have and always will. With everything we’ve been through it isn’t now that that’s going to change.” 

Roman smiled, "Thank you, Pat, I appreciate that." They then said their goodbyes and Roman went to make dinner before eating and heading up to bed. He curled up under the bedcovers and tried to picture what might lay ahead for him in the next day.

The next day at work Logan and Roman got a new case and were checking out the crime scene. It took most of the morning and early afternoon before they were back at the office to compile the different information. Logan was at this desk, furiously typing away at his keyboard. His brows were furrowed in concentration as he sorted and organized all their notes from that morning. 

Roman had been smiling all day. Nervous energy was building in his stomach and he could feel himself getting more and more excited and nervous. His eyes seemed to carry genuine happiness and he was enjoying the feeling while it lasted. He got all his work done with an amazing amount of motivation. It had been a little while since he'd felt like this, but he'd always been a person who felt so much more motivated when he had something to look forward to. 

Logan couldn’t help but notice that Roman seemed to be in an oddly good mood that day. Usually when they went to visit a crime scene he was rather quiet and distant. However, Roman kept shooting him smiles throughout their work day. He would have sworn he’d caught him staring at him multiple times as they worked at their respective desks. Once they reached the end of the day he could see that Roman was still grinning to himself. “Well you seem to be in a really good mood today,” Logan remarked, half amused and half confused as he packed his things to go home. 

Roman beamed to himself, picking up his things and swinging his bag onto his shoulder, "Yeah, I am in a good mood." He smiled, looking down to the floor for a few seconds and then back up at Logan, "Actually if you don't mind, I'd really like to talk to you?"

“Uh yeah sure okay. What is it?” He grabbed his own bag as he headed for the door. Roman opened the door for him and they headed towards the parking lot, their steps matching pace as they walked. 

Roman felt a small knot build in his chest as he smiled at Logan warmly. The pair of them stopping just out of the way of the stairs. Roman led him a little further away to where his car was parked and leaning against his vehicle, looking at Logan with a fondness that melded with the nervousness. "So, I know this may seem a little out of nowhere," he smiled, looking away for a second and then back up to Logan's eyes after his short pause. "But, you're a really cool person, Logan, and if you'd let me... I'd love to get to know you better. I've been wondering if perhaps you would be interested in going on a date with me?"

Logan’s eyes widened in shock as his mind attempted to process Roman’s words. This was completely unexpected to him, never in a million years had he seen this coming. His mind was racing as he tried to form a semblance of a coherent sentence. “Wh-what?” he finally managed to stutter. “Wh-why? Why would you even? I just, I don’t… I… I’m sorry I have to go…” He practically ran off at this point, his flight reflex getting the better of him. 

Roman blinked a few times, his mouth slightly agape as he rested his back against the car, using it as the only thing left in his vicinity to tie himself down to reality. He opened the car door, climbing into the driver's seat and clutching the wheel. He felt the memory of what had just happened replaying in his head again and again as he racked his brain for what he could have done wrong. He’d just looked at him with such shock and surprise. Though, now that he gave himself a moment to think about it, he never really would have had a chance with Logan anyway. He turned the key in the ignition, bringing the car to life and slowly driving home, a numb look in his eyes. 

Logan felt like he was walking through a haze the whole time he made his way home. Once he finally made it through the door he simply shut it before leaning up against it and sliding down to the floor. “What just happened?” he spoke aloud into the empty room. No one had ever asked Logan out, he wasn’t the one that others would flirt with and he most certainly wasn’t the person to do the flirting. All he knew was that he most definitely did not react appropriately. Running away was a terrible move and he deeply regretted it. He roughly passed a hand over his face, still in disbelief. Did this mean that Roman actually liked him? Logan had thought that he was just being nice, but maybe he had meant more than what he’d been letting on. Well this is new, he thought to himself. 

Roman got home, his car pulling into the driveway and he got out, half-heartedly closing the car door. He walked inside, collapsing down onto his couch and laying there for a few seconds. Looking up at the clock on the wall, he felt that every tick drilled into his skull. A headache was burning behind his eyes and his eyes themselves, stung with unfallen tears. It hurt so much worse than he remembered. As time went by, Roman decided it was probably better to isolate himself for a few hours. He didn't particularly want to talk to anyone and though the idea of calling Patton or Virgil for comfort seemed pleasant, he didn't want to bother them.

Logan had an appointment with his therapist that evening which he was extremely relieved about. If there was a time as any where he needed a session now would be it. He’d been going to see Dr. Emile Picani for years now and he had seen him through a fair share of life events. However none such as today’s and Logan desperately needed someone to talk to. He recounted the whole incident, still feeling in shock as he told the story. “I feel terrible now… I just… it really took me by surprise…” 

Picani smiled at him fondly, internally highly amused by the whole situation. “What do you feel terrible about exactly? Your running off or your rebuffing of his affections?” It then hit Logan, he’d been so preoccupied that Roman had feelings for him that he hadn’t stopped to think what his own were in that moment. Wait a minute...do I actually like him back? 

......

About three hours later, Roman decided he'd done enough moping and was instead going to do some self deprecating whining to Patton instead. He called his brother and got some comfort, but unlike usual, his brother's consolation didn't do much to ease his mind. That night, he slept so much worse than the excited anticipation filled slumber he'd been blessed with the previous night. 

Logan was apprehending going to work the next morning. He knew that he could expect Roman to be upset, he had run off on him after all. To what extent however was still to be determined. Thing was, he wasn’t exactly sure what to do to remedy the situation. The prior evening’s revelation on Roman’s part still felt very fresh and he really wasn’t sure how he felt about it all. Mentally preparing himself for whatever might happen, he walked into the office. 

Roman walked into the office that morning twirling a pen in his hands. He sat down at his desk, hunching over and taking a sip of his coffee. There was a sizable pile of paperwork to be done that Roman honestly, had no motivation to do whatsoever. He sat for a while, just tapping his pen lightly against his hand, unable to keep still and feeling increasingly restless. The whole day he had made an effort to avoid Logan's gaze and when he did meet it once or twice, he quickly flashed him what must have been the fakest looking smile, before pointing his head back down to work. 

The fact that Roman was simply quiet made Logan that much more nervous. He’d expected to get a cold shoulder or something that would perceptibly show him that Roman was upset. Instead, he was just a duller, less lively version of himself, which made Logan feel that much worse. He hated that Roman was clearly holding back just how upset he was, trying so hard to keep a brave face, despite it not being completely successful. Neither dared say anything, and Logan didn’t know where to even start to attempt to make things right. How did one even go about apologizing in this sort of situation? 

As soon as it was time for their lunch break, Roman hurried out of the room. His eyes were glued to the floor and he didn't dare look back at Logan until he knew he was out of his eyeline. He was visually hunched over, his usual well iterated posture forgotten as he clearly looked too troubled to think. He walked outside, sitting down on the stone stairs and holding his chin up against both of his hands, both of them balled into tight fists. Resting his head against the cold metal railing next to him, he heaved out a sigh. He honestly wasn't sure how much longer he could sit in that room knowing that simply his presence was bringing the mood down, but it wasn't like he could just leave.

Logan had seen Roman leave the building, his entire demeanor so unlike his usual self. He sat at his desk for a moment, debating whether or not he should follow him. Finally he steeled himself to get up and head outside. Pushing the door his gaze immediately fell upon Roman sitting on the steps. Taking a deep breath he made his way down and took a seat next to him. He glanced nervously towards Roman who refused to meet his gaze. “Hey um, could we… could we maybe talk… I-I know I owe you at the very least an explanation.” 

"Yeah, no shit," Roman muttered, pausing for a few seconds and then huffing. "What did you exactly want? I don't know if you’ve noticed, but I'm just taking a moment to myself," he said, a slight glower on his face. 

“I..uh..um...” Logan swallowed, trying to get his thoughts into order. “Look, I’m really sorry about that, about running off I mean. It’s just, I really wasn’t expecting it, y-you asking me out that is... and I guess I sort of panicked.” 

Roman turned to look at Logan, narrowing his eyes slightly. "You panicked?" he scoffed, pushing himself up and off the stairs, clearly not caring to show stability anymore. "Nevermind then, it's all okay, everyone," he chuckled dryly. "False alarm, Logan just panicked," he snapped, turning on his heel to face him with a burning glare. 

Logan could feel the heat rising in his cheeks at Roman’s words. “Woah, where did that come from?” He was taken aback by the biting tone in his voice. “Look, I’m aware I didn’t react the best way, okay? You don’t have to be so insolent. Geez, you are so melodramatic. I don’t even know why I’m trying to explain myself. You’ve obviously made up your mind about me.” The feeling of tears beginning to sting his eyes just seemed to make the matter worse. 

Roman flinched, his eyes sharpening, even though his face stayed resolute, still set with anger. "What do you mean I've made up my mind? I was just trying to-... I was just… Ugh, why does it even matter?" he sighed, running a hand roughly through his hair, pulling at the strands, his eyes momentarily squeezing shut. 

Logan was too busy trying to hold it together to be able to form any coherent thought at that moment, let alone alone a coherent sentence.“I… I… I just,” he stammered. He knew that if he persisted on trying to explain he would just start crying and he was not about to do that at that moment. “You know what, never mind.” He got up and turned around to go back up the stairs. 

Roman scowled, his eyes dark with anger, a pool of fire bubbling around him as he felt exhausted and completely ready to burst into flames. "Right, go on then, run away. That did you so much good last time," he said, gritting his teeth as he watched Logan walk away for the second time that week. 

Logan ran back inside, slamming the door behind him as he went to hide in the bathroom. He’d lost track of how long he’d been in there when he heard footsteps outside the stall. “Son, I think it might be best if you just went home this afternoon,” the voice of the captain reaching him, not mad nor concerned, simply spoken very matter of factly. He went back to his office to see that Roman wasn’t there at that moment, which was all the better really. He quickly grabbed his things and took his leave. 

Roman had been sitting upstairs in one of the quieter offices. His head was spinning and when he returned back downstairs, Logan was gone. It was probably for the best, but it hurt to know he was the reason for Logan's breakdown of sorts. Even though he wanted so badly to be angry, and wanted so badly to take those insults to heart and just be upset and offended, he couldn't. The look in Logan's eyes had been fearful, this fact alone was enough to make Roman feel awful. 

A few hours later, he was sitting in his living room, hunched over a bottle of whiskey. His phone was on the couch next to him and he kept staring at it, debating whether to call Patton or just lay there and wallow in his own self pity. He eventually relented, the bottle being placed down and released from Roman's closed fist and he picked up his phone, fumbling with it to dial the number. 

Logan was at home, curled up on his couch, desperately trying to get a hold of himself yet again. He was startled out of his trance when his phone rang from the bedroom where he’d left it. Stumbling as he got up, he went to see who in the world could possibly be calling him. He never got any calls and especially not at 1am. The glowing screen showed that it was Roman. His eyebrows furrowed as he pondered whether he should answer. What in the world would warrant Roman calling him? Finally his curiosity got the better of him and he picked up. “Hello?” He answered, trying to sound as nonchalant as possible. 

Roman sighed out, "Hey, Patton, guess what?" he asked. "You'll never guess what happened at work today?" he drawled, bitter sarcasm heavy in his tone along with the mildly slurred speech gifted by the alcohol seething in his bloodstream. 

It was clear to Logan that Roman hadn’t realised he’d called the wrong person. At that moment the last thing he wanted was to hear Roman ranting to his brother about how much he hated him. “I’m not-” 

"I messed up, Patton," Roman sighed, running his hands through his hair for what must have been the hundredth time. "I messed up big time, I made him cry for god's sake," he muttered. "I just got so hurt and it turned defensive… I really didn't want to hurt him, but I was so scared Pat," he mumbled, curling in on himself, slightly. 

That definitely wasn’t what Logan had been expecting to hear him say. Were the surprises never going to end? He was weighing whether he should say something when Roman continued on his sad rant. 

"I just got carried away, I guess, I probably shouldn't have even tried in the first place. It's just my luck that the first person I let myself fall for, after four years of feeling so lonely I couldn't deal with it anymore, isn't interested. And of course he isn't interested, I'm useless," he sighed. "I couldn't even ask him on a date right," he frowned. 

Logan was speechless, his mouth hanging open in disbelief. All this time he’d thought that Roman couldn’t possibly have been serious, that he couldn’t possibly actually like him. If anything he’d almost been afraid that it had all been a cruel joke. Now listening to Roman speak, clearly intoxicated and therefore stripped of his inhibitions, he could see that he truly did care about him. Logan wasn’t sure what to do with this new information. 

Roman frowned, "I just thought that maybe this time could be different, I guess…" he trailed off, sniffling and rubbing at his eyes fiercely. "But, it might just be that I got stuck on how amazing he is. Honestly, Patton, he's got the prettiest green eyes that you've ever seen in your life," he started, another tear slipping down his cheek. "He does this adorable thing where he pushes his glasses up his nose and wrinkles it up, it is the sweetest thing." He paused, a quiet shifting noise being audible over the phone before he let out a dramatic sigh. "I've got it bad, Pat, I'm not sure if I can just carry on, I'm a mess," he pouted, his hand resting over his eyes and forehead. 

Logan proceeded to listen to Roman ramble for at least half an hour, a fond smile growing on his face, cheeks slowly flushing more and more. When Roman finally reached the end of his string of thoughts, he wished Logan, or rather Patton, goodnight and then hung up. At this point it was 2 in the morning, but Logan was far from being able to fall asleep, Roman’s words still floating in his mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story is part of the LLF Comment Project, (https://longlivefeedback.tumblr.com/llfcommentproject) which was created to improve communication between readers and authors. This author invites and appreciates feedback, including:
> 
> \- Short comments  
> \- Long comments  
> \- Questions/theories  
> \- Constructive criticism  
> \- “<3” as extra kudos  
> \- Reader-reader interaction
> 
> This author replies to comments.


	8. Love Can Be Cruel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Logan starts to realise that this whole situation might be slightly deeper than he originally anticipated.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content warnings: mention of nightmares, past trauma, rejection sensitive dysphoria, miscommunication.

The next day at work, Roman walked in with clear signs of fatigue on his face. He was feeling tired, exhausted almost, and it wasn’t making him feel much better that he would have to sit in a room with Logan all day. He sat down at his desk, beginning to sort through some of his notes when his phone buzzed and he saw a message from Patton staring up at him. 'hey, Ro, I haven't heard from you about the situation with Logan, are you alright?'  
At reading this, Roman froze, flicking through his call logs and looking through to the previous night. "Oh my god," Roman said, his eyes wide. 

Logan ~ 01:03 - 54 minutes 

Logan looked up at him at this exclamation. He raised an eyebrow questioningly, not daring to say anything though. Roman wouldn’t meet his eye and in the light of the fluorescents in their office it was pretty clear that he was blushing. “Is everything okay?” he finally managed to ask. 

Roman swallowed hard, feeling his whole world slow to a halt. "You… I…" he paused, biting his lip. "Did I… C-Call you? Last night? God, I'm so sorry, I meant to call my brother," he said, his hands beginning to shake slightly as Logan finally looked him in the eye. He felt a panic building in his chest and he quickly made a move to excuse himself. "Excuse me, I need to just… One second."

Logan watched him leave the office, a lump forming in the back of his throat. It was clear to him that Roman had just figured out to whom he’d made his late night call. Part of him wished he would have been able to say something before Roman had left, but he had simply sat there completely useless. Not that he would have known what to say. What did one respond when one is discovered to have been on the receiving end of such a confession? About 15 minutes later Roman finally came back into the office, sitting down and seemingly resolute in not making eye contact. Logan couldn’t bring himself to say anything so he simply turned his attention back to his work, or at least he tried to. 

Roman felt stupid. Or at least, mostly. He felt stupid, exhausted and above all else, hopeless. He dragged himself through the rest of that day and got all his paperwork done with little focus pulled off it. He skipped his lunch break and by the end of the day, it was evident on both his face and his posture that Roman had very nearly done a straight eight hours of paperwork. 

Neither of the men had ended up saying another word for the rest of that day. They barely nodded to each in farewell before going their separate ways home. Logan dreaded to think that this was what their interactions were doomed to be for the foreseeable future. He got home and collapsed on his couch, staring at the ceiling as if desperately trying to find an answer in thin air. All he knew was that he was pretty sure of one thing. Not only did Roman like him, but he was starting to think that maybe, just maybe, he also liked Roman back. And that was the most terrifying thought of all. 

A few days passed and over that short period the two found themselves stuck in the pit they'd managed to dig. It was only getting deeper and deeper, but they were both too afraid of what the reaction of the other person might be. It was five days after the initial incriminating phone call that they actually felt a slight change between them. The captain had sent them to a crime scene, however the crime scene was three hours away and neither one of them found driving overly entertaining. They climbed into the car, Roman in the driver's seat and Logan next to him. The silence in the car was deafening and Roman wasn't planning on saying anything. What would he even say? Oh, I'm sorry that I called you and drunkenly told you the insane extent that I'm crushing on you, thinking the whole time that I was talking to my brother. 

The air hung still between the two of them as Logan flipped through their case file, trying his best to look busy. He’d been handed the file by the captain who gave them no other information than “Everything you need to know is in there.” Part of him felt like this had been done on purpose. Generally the captain would explain the case to the both of them before they headed out, this time he’d only given the address before leaving them to it. Now Logan had no choice but to speak so as to let Roman in as to what was awaiting them. “So um…” he finally managed to mutter, “We’re heading towards an old countryhouse that’s just burned down. The family all managed to get out though the father is still at the hospital in critical condition. We’re dealing with suspected arson here so we’ve got to check around for that.”. 

Roman nodded, not turning to look at him, but simply saying, "Okay then be careful with what you say, try to prevent adding salt to the wound. Wouldn't want to give them mixed signals of our intentions." He frowned, staring at the road ahead of them with such an intense stare that it looked like he might mark the concrete with dark burns. 

Logan glanced sideways at Roman. He sensed that those words were intended to have a deeper meaning and he didn’t really appreciate the passive aggressive tactic. Even though deep down he didn’t entirely blame Roman for doing so. He read off the rest of the information they had on the case before the awkward silence resumed for the rest of the trip there. They finally reached the site and saw the house, or rather what little left of it there was. 

It was bad enough that they both had some tension swimming in the waters of their relationship, but with where Logan was mentally at the current time, it was not good for noticing social cues. Of course, Roman wasn't in a place to take this into consideration, so he just saw Logan being insensitive and it honestly made him angry. A few passive aggressive comments hidden in normal sentences were made and he forced himself to ignore the hurt looks on Logan's face. After they were done with the questioning, Logan walked off to get in the car. Whereas, Roman stayed back and proceeded to apologise to the family, telling them that, at times, his partner could be very cold and blunt. They all seemed to have some distaste for Logan, but thanked Roman and with a nod he climbed back into the car. The car was started without a word from Roman. He thought he heard Logan say something, but he had spaced out and was too focused on the growling of the engine to actually hear him. 

It was clear to Logan that Roman wasn’t listening to him and it really frustrated him. As if it wasn’t enough that Roman had gone and made a big deal of his social inadequacy. “Oh sure, go ahead and ignore me. At least that’s better than bashing me behind my back.” He leaned back into his seat, crossing his arms as he stared sullenly out the window. 

Roman flinched at the harsh tone, his face flashing with momentary fear. This whole situation brought him back to a place he didn't want to be in. The underlying anxiety had stayed with him. Making a home in the pit of his stomach and growing there like a poison, infecting his bloodstream. The feeling of uselessness at his inability to fix the situation was enough, but hearing someone angry at him was forever going to be something he struggled with. With some difficulty, he swallowed harshly, feeling like there was a lump slowly building in his throat. At noticing how difficult it was, he focused himself and took a breath, forcing back the anxiety, but not trusting his voice to form a reply. 

Logan merely glanced over at Roman, only seeing that his partner seemed resolute in not answering him. “Wow you’re giving me the silent treatment now? Real mature,” he scoffed as he rolled his eyes. Roman was usually such a chatterbox, he sure had picked his moment to stay silent. Logan just couldn’t understand him and at this point he was just too tired to try anymore. 

Roman bit his lip, his face scrunched up with the strain of holding himself together. He felt his fingernails dig into the steering wheel and fought the urge to make any kind of noise that would make him seem like some kind of wounded animal. He wanted to respond, to give Logan something so he felt heard, but he was just so scared. The anxious feeling was stealing all confidence from his being and making him feel stupidly vulnerable. 

Logan was surprised by the look on Roman’s face. He couldn’t decipher it other than that it seemed to hold a pained expression. Although why that would be the case he couldn’t make any sense of. Sure he hadn’t said the nicest of things, but he’d expected Roman to get mad, not become quiet suddenly. 

At Logan's, almost sudden silence, Roman turned briefly to look at him, forcing himself to snap out of it. "Sorry, Logan," he forced out. "What do you want?" he asked, he hadn't meant to sound quite so harsh, but it would have to do for now. 

Logan knit his eyebrows at this, a perplexed look on his face. He opened and shut his mouth a few times before managing to simply let out, “You know what, just, nevermind.” They were obviously both not in the best of mindsets to have any sort of reasonable conversation so he thought best to just drop it. The rest of the ride was passed in silence, both stuck with their churning thoughts. They only took the time to stop quickly at the office to drop off the notes for the case before they went their separate ways home. Logan was relieved that it was finally the weekend, he didn’t know how much longer he could take this. 

…….

Over the weekend, Roman felt the worst of the storm. The flair of anger that had been burning had long gone out and left him with heavy and cold regret. It felt like he had been a fire. He burned bright with an anger that was fuelled by the hurt he felt when he saw Logan, but now, he had been doused with chilled, frozen water. It was so, so lonely deep down in the caves of his mind. Thoughts of the past had only been reinforced by his torturous nightmares and it made him sick to think that he'd go back on Monday and make this worse. So, when Monday actually rolled around, he didn't want to go. He stayed in bed, trying to recover from his latest haunting night terror. 

Logan went in to work on that Monday carrying a sense of dread that had almost kept him from leaving home that morning. He walked into the office to see that Roman wasn’t there, which he found was rather odd. While it happened on occasion that Logan was the first one there, on most days he arrived to work to Roman already there. He settled himself in and started to work, he had to put in their previous day’s notes into the system so he set himself to that. Losing track of time, it took him a while to realize that Roman still hadn’t shown up. It was shortly after 10 oclock when Virgil walked into the office, taking Logan completely by surprise. “What are you doing here?” he asked, rather bluntly. 

Virgil's gaze raised up from the floor where he was staring. He took off his headphones and slipped them down to rest on his neck. He raised an eyebrow in Logan's direction, an underlying scowl in his eyes. He walked over to Roman's desk, shuffling through the drawers and pulling out a few papers, scrolling through his phone and nodding to himself as he found the papers he was looking for. "I don't see why that is any of your business," he said, briefly looking up from the desk to give Logan a sharp look before returning back to the paper sprawled across the desk. 

“Uh, excuse me, but this is my office. Also why are you going through Roman’s things?” Logan responded, utterly confused as to what was happening. 

Virgil sighed, flipping through the papers. He was kind of hoping for the office to be empty, but since Logan was there, he was half tempted to ignore him completely. "I'm aware of that, I didn't get lost, " Virgil snarked. 

Logan's brows creased into a frown. “No seriously, why are you here? Did Roman send you?” He was starting to feel rather unnerved, this all felt really wrong. 

Virgil narrowed his eyes, finally relenting. "I have to get some things for Roman," he said reluctantly, "He's not coming in today." 

“Wait what, why?” Logan was now no longer angry at Virgil, he was actually starting to get worried. If Roman wasn’t coming in then that meant something serious was going on. 

Virgil sighed, looking up to meet Logan's eyes and raising an eyebrow as if checking for bad intentions. "He's not in the best of states is all, he'll probably be in tomorrow," he said, biting his lip, "I don't know about you, but honestly, I'm far more concerned about his mental state than his work patterns." 

Logan was confused by this. “What? What do you mean?” he asked, looking at Virgil intently, knitting his eyebrows in worry. He couldn’t understand what could warrant Roman feeling this bad.

Virgil sighed, "It's not my place to tell you, far from it, in fact," he trailed off. "Lately, Roman's time at work has been far from easy and I don't think it would be safe or possible for him to come in today."

“This can’t all be my fault now, can it?” Logan stuttered out. “I mean, I know I messed up, but I wouldn’t have thought he’d take it so hard.” 

"Well, Roman didn't take it well anyway. He… doesn't do well with rejection as it is, but with you, I-... I haven't seen him that positive about being romantic with someone in such a long time… Over five years, actually," he winced, putting the papers into a folder. 

Logan’s mind was reeling from this information, trying to connect all the dots. “Wait a minute… when, when Roman called, by accident that is… he mentioned something about it being 4 years since he’d fallen for someone…” He bit his lip, he didn’t like the foreboding feeling that was looming in the pit of his stomach. 

Virgil's face twisted with something so unrecognisable, yet so sad. "Yes… he was telling the truth. Roman doesn't-… He doesn't fall in love often, not anymore. He's too scared… But he was so happy when he spoke about you…" Virgil said, his voice peaked with that same strong sadness. Eventually, he shook his head, snapping himself out of it. "Now, I've really got to get these back to Roman. If you're wanting to fix this, text me," he said, giving Logan a nod and slipping a small bit of paper onto his desk, a few numbers written across it. 

Logan nodded to him and watched Virgil leave. Picking up the piece of paper from the desk he stared at it for a moment, pondering how this could possibly end up making the situation better. Then again, it definitely couldn’t make it worse, or at least he hoped not. Later that day he decided to text Virgil asking him if he could meet him at the café after work so they could talk. He really didn’t want this situation to draw out any longer than it had to. Virgil responded to let him know that he would be expecting him later that day. The end of the day finally arrived and Logan left to go to the café, hoping to make sense of this all and to hopefully be able to tell his side of the story.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story is part of the LLF Comment Project, (https://longlivefeedback.tumblr.com/llfcommentproject) which was created to improve communication between readers and authors. This author invites and appreciates feedback, including:
> 
> \- Short comments  
> \- Long comments  
> \- Questions/theories  
> \- Constructive criticism  
> \- “<3” as extra kudos  
> \- Reader-reader interaction
> 
> This author replies to comments.


	9. Hope on the Horizon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roman and Logan finally get the chance to talk things out face to face. Will they arrive to a satisfactory resolution?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No content warnings

Virgil had just finished wiping down the last few tables when the door swung open and Logan walked in, looking a little uncomfortable and tired. He picked up the cloth and put it behind the counter, calling over to Logan. "Hey, so you came, that's great," Virgil said, smiling weakly. He pointed over to a small table in the corner. "We’ll sit over there." 

Logan headed towards the table Virgil indicated and sat down. His hands were clammy and he tried to wipe them conspicuously on his pant leg. Virgil finished putting some things away behind the counter before joining him. Logan tried to swallow the lump that had formed in his throat as Virgil sat across from him. 

"Okay, first of all, try and calm down. I'm not mad at you, now take a breath," Virgil said, handing Logan a glass of water. His eyes were kind and accepting and he hoped that would act as a comfort for Logan.

Logan took the glass in his hands as he tried to regulate his breathing. “I just, I just want to understand what’s going on… and to maybe explain myself a bit… I’m sure you think I’m a terrible person who blew Roman off after he tried to ask me out… But really… I just… I just panicked… like honestly… I know it sounds stupid, but that’s the truth…” 

Virgil nodded. "Well, I've already gotten Roman's side of things, so I want a clear idea of what's going on in your head," he said gently. His hope here was to try and give both of them a clearer perspective of what the other was thinking. 

Logan took a deep breath, trying to get his ideas in order before speaking. “I’m just not very good with people in general I guess… I don’t know if Roman has ever mentioned it to you, but I have Asperger’s Syndrome. Not that that excuses anything, it’s just that I’m not the best at reacting the way most people would in a lot of situations.” He bit his lip as he stared at the glass that he was rolling back in forth in his hands. “I’ve also never had anyone ask me out, or at least not anyone who actually meant it. I tend to think people are making fun of me, maybe because usually they are,” Logan’s voice trailed off, his eyes holding a sad expression. 

Virgil nodded in understanding, choosing his next words carefully. "Well, I do see where you're coming from, I had the same mindset when I met Patton. But I think the biggest reassurance I can give for you to keep in mind is that when Roman shows interest in someone, he's serious about it. I can promise you that he would never have the intention of using you and would only let himself ask you on a date in the first place if he thought you would work well with him in the long term," he explained carefully. "Though I do understand that Roman is not exactly innocent here either. This whole situation has been magnified way out of proportion and not talking to each other about it is only worsening it."

“Yeah… I know…” Logan admitted rather sheepishly. “I guess I just started this off by royally messing up and it just went downhill from there. I really didn’t mean for things to get this bad, I just didn’t know how to make them better either.” He heaved a deep sigh, leaning against his hand. “I guess I haven’t really had a chance to truly understand my feelings in this whole situation. I mean I knew I appreciated Roman as a coworker, I just hadn’t even thought of wondering any further than that.” 

Virgil nodded, “And you have now?” he asked, quirking an eyebrow in question. “How do you actually feel about Ro, Logan? Have you actually had a chance to think about that, yet?” he paused, “because if you’re going to talk to Roman at some point, I would recommend having your own thoughts and feelings in order. If you don’t understand what you’re feeling, it will make it all the more hard for Roman to understand.”

“It’s just… I’ve never gotten this far before. I'm honestly still partially in shock over the fact that Roman actually liked me," Logan explained. “Dating has just never been something I tend to think about when I meet people. I’m normally just happy if they don’t hate me. And with the whole figuring out my sexuality thing, let’s just say it’s not something I’ve ever felt comfortable enough to actually properly explore. All that I know is that I like guys and that’s pretty much it. Them liking me back however, that’s a new one I have to say.” 

Virgil smiled, a small glimmer in his eye clearly lit by the hope of something. Logan looked a little uneasy at seeing the spark, but Virgil quickly elaborated on it, not wanting to make Logan uncomfortable. “You said liking you back. That implies that you do have some kind of feelings for him,” Virgil grinned. “I’d recommend sifting through your thoughts before tomorrow,” he said, “See what you can figure out.” 

Logan nodded, he definitely had lots to think of before he would see Roman next. Their conversation lasted a few more minutes before he finally excused himself. He thanked Virgil for his willingness to hear him out and for allowing him to understand Roman’s side of the story a bit more. Now all that was left was to hope that they would manage to reach some sort of resolution to this whole mess. He headed home feeling much lighter than when he’d come in.

Virgil locked up at the café, heading upstairs to wait for Patton to get home. He knew he would be home in roughly a half hour so he wanted to make a start on dinner. In the meanwhile he sent several texts to Logan and Roman. The messages to Roman consisted mostly of comfort and reassurance, whereas the ones to Logan were more advice driven with a subtle comforting tone behind them, since he knew Logan would appreciate that more. The two of them had agreed that Logan and Roman should go back to the café the next day so they could have the much needed conversation and talk this out. It would be best if Logan asked Roman the next day because it would feel like he was reaching out and with some luck, Roman might just take it as a sliver of hope. 

……

The night wasn't kind to either Logan nor Roman. Even despite the comfort Roman had received and how much it had helped in easing his mind, he was still plagued with the worst monsters his mind could conjure. The feeling of insecurity and danger that hovered around him was only making everything that much worse. 

Logan himself wasn't doing too well either. He had felt very anxious and it took him a long time to actually get to sleep that night. Even once he did, it was uneasy and cold. It felt like the world was melding together into one big mess that took the form of a beast and prowled between the both of them, setting fire to their minds and turning the pain and hurt into fiery anger.

…..

The next day went painfully slow. Morning dragged because of the tiredness that was impossible to erase and when they got to work, it was just too quiet. Roman was at his desk, typing away and making a valiant attempt to not worsen the already detrimental situation. Not much passed between them that day, it was difficult to tell whether that was a bad thing or not. Apart from quiet conversation there was very limited dialogue between them.

At the end of that day, Logan had looked up from his computer and managed to force himself to say something. With as few words as possible, he'd successfully gotten Roman to agree to go with him to the café. They drove there in silence, pulling up outside the quiet building and walking inside. Patton, who was the one working that day, pointed them over to a small table in the corner with a warm and encouraging smile. 

The atmosphere between them was thick. It was no longer angry tension, more just the both of them being clueless on how to start. As Logan made his way over to the table, Roman quickly mentioned he was going to speak to Patton. In the short exchange, he did nothing much aside from ordering them some drinks. He'd wracked his brain and remembered that, at some point before, Logan had mentioned liking warm and sweet drinks when it came to comfort. He wasn't sure when this had come up, but the detail brought to him seemed to be too specific of a memory for him to be fabricating it. He walked back over to the table and timidly placed one of the drinks down in front of Logan. He then quickly shuffled back to his seat and sat there, visibly trying to make himself smaller. "I'm sorry," Roman mumbled. "God, I am so sorry about all of this," he sighed, rubbing a hand over his face. 

“Hey, no,” Logan protested, “if anything, I’m the one who should be sorry. If I hadn’t freaked out and ran off in the first place this wouldn’t have become such a mess.” He knit his eyebrows as he stared at the light foam bubbles that had formed on the surface of his hot chocolate. He’d gone over that moment in his mind a thousand times over ever since it had happened, wondering what might have been if he hadn’t been such an idiot. If there was a time as any where he’d felt like a clueless moron, that had definitely been it. 

Roman hummed in contemplation. "I don't know, I guess I just got really insecure and defensive…" Roman mumbled, his finger running over the rim of his own cup. “It wasn't fair of me to take out my own inner turmoil on you, " he added with a frown. "Virgil says he thinks I caught you off guard… " he trailed off. "It really wasn’t what I was going for, I promise," he huffed, taking the drink to his lips, "I simply wanted to ask you in an environment you were relatively familiar with since doing it over phone call has always been a poor way to do it in my eyes."

Logan managed a small smile. “I guess I can appreciate that. I sort of have a phone phobia in general so it probably wouldn’t have gone any better that way anyway.” He looked up to meet Roman’s eyes. “I just wish I didn’t have such a strong flight reflex. The one time someone asks me out I decide to freak out and run away. I mean, who does that?” 

"I'll be honest, I don't think it was a decision." Roman smiled, a mildly amused tone to his voice.

“No I guess not,” Logan replied, “I’m just a pretty clueless person so I thought that you saw me as a coworker, maybe a friend, but nothing more.” 

Roman smiled, a fondness reminiscent of the time before the awkward period after the confession. "Well, it took me a while to properly figure out what I was feeling… I guess I just didn't take into account that you hadn't thought about it or that you weren't ready for something like that." He smiled weakly. 

Logan chewed at the inside of his bottom lip. “If I’m honest, I’m still not exactly sure what I feel here. I mean, I think I feel something, but what it is, what it means, that I don’t know yet. I tend to have trouble understanding emotions. Whether they are my own or someone else’s.” 

Roman nodded. "It's okay, Lo, if you did want to be romantically involved with me, I most certainly wouldn't rush you," he said, his voice calm and comforting. "You are worth waiting for," he smiled, "and if you want me to help you figure it out, I'd be more than happy to."

Logan cheeks proceeded to flush bright pink, he was unsure what to think or say after this. He managed to find his tongue and cleared his throat before speaking. “This is kind of a lot for me to take in. But…” his voice trailed off for a moment, “I don’t hate the idea of maybe giving this a shot.” He gave Roman a tentative smile. 

Roman smiled at this, visibly lighting up. "That's wonderful!" He paused, regaining his composure and pushing down some of his enthusiasm so as to not overwhelm Logan. The last thing he wanted was to scare him off and completely ruin his chances. "I mean… uh, that's really great," he said slowly. 

Logan wasn’t entirely sure what he was getting himself into, but for once he didn’t really care. He really didn’t want to mess up his chances of this all actually working out. They spoke for a little while longer, then finally looking at the time they agreed that they should be getting home. Roman offered to drive him home and Logan readily accepted. 

It took only a short while for them to drive home. The atmosphere between them was so much clearer and the foreboding sense of dread had almost completely dissipated. "Okay, we're here," Roman said, pulling up outside the quiet neighbourhood lined with small houses. 

They both got out of the car, Roman walking with Logan as they made their way towards his apartment. Roman turned to Logan as they walked. "So, don't feel like you have to answer, but why exactly have you never been in a relationship before?" he asked. 

“Oh um…” Logan stopped for a moment, they had reached his door at this point. “I guess I’ve just always felt like I’ve had my odds stacked up against me. Not only do I apparently come across as off-putting and globally unapproachable, I also had to be gay. I just never felt like it was worth it to put myself out there so I never did.” He felt sad and silly hearing himself say these things out loud. Shaking his head softly to try to clear his head he turned back to look at Roman. “What about you? How come it’s been so long since you’ve been in a relationship?” 

Roman froze for a few seconds, swallowing harshly as if his words were stuck in his throat. "...I...I'm-...A while ago… well, there _was_ a guy… As far as I knew, he was perfect, everything about him, I loved. Everything he did, I loved… simply because I didn't know any better. Then... he broke my heart. After my train wreck of a relationship inevitably ended, I was pretty much alone. I had Patton, but he was all I had. I became very lonely and closed off, tried therapy, but it didn’t really work out too well and I was too scared to even consider the idea of letting someone in again. Heck, they couldn't even find me a partner at work. Then, I met you...You..." He paused, bringing his hand up to wipe harshly at a tear that escaped and ran down his cheek.

Logan was taken aback by the intensity he saw in Roman’s eyes. It was jarring to see such strong emotions directed towards him. He swallowed hard, his voice catching in his throat. “What… What do you mean?”

Roman bit his lip, thinking for a few seconds. "Uhm… well, it was really hard to work with someone after so long of it just always being me. A little while after working with you, I started to get used to your presence… but I couldn't admit to myself that there was a fondness there, so I repressed it. God, those feelings scared me out of my mind, but I had this small part of me saying that I didn't need to worry and I guess I didn't mind it… What I'm trying to say, Lo is...that I...I found myself falling for you and I didn't know how the best way to go about fixing it would be." After he said this, he let a few tears fall freely. What did he have to lose, after all?

"But how?... I mean... I haven't even done anything, not really." Logan could feel tears building in his own eyes at this point. "If anything, you're the one who's been amazing to work with. Granted we didn’t exactly start off on the best foot, but I've never felt so... so accepted... like I don't need to feel bad for being myself. My social anxiety isn’t nearly so problematic when I’m around you... I don't feel so alone when I’m with you." Tears now fell down his cheeks. He fiddled with the cuff of his jacket, trying to keep himself grounded. "For the longest time I didn't think I truly was capable of feeling anything like that for anyone... and now..." his voice trailed off.

Roman smiled sadly, fiddling with his sleeve for a second. It took a moment's hesitation, but he slowly opened his arms as an offering for a hug. "Carry on, it's okay, I'm listening." He didn't move, he stayed there, giving Logan an inviting smile, but not pressuring him to take the step forward into his arms.

Generally not being one for physical touch, Logan broke that personal rule, leaning into Roman's embrace. He could feel the strong arms wrapping around him, pulling him close. Roman whispered to him soothingly as he tried to catch his breath. "I… I think… I think I might actually like you too," Logan finally managed to choke out.

Roman was concerned, but relief overtook it by a landslide. "Hey, hey, hey, shh it's okay. It's all gonna be okay, Logan," Roman said, holding him close to his chest. He could barely believe that he wasn't alone with his feelings and as painful as the last week had been, he considered it worth it for this outcome. 

Logan hugged him back, melting into the sensation. He then suddenly remembered they were outside, in plain sight, in front of his door. He then stiffened and released from the hug. Part of him wondered if he should invite Roman inside, but he didn't know how that would go over, or if it was even appropriate at this stage.

Roman looked a little taken aback and slightly worried, but simply gave Logan a gentle half-smile and tilted his head to the side. "Are you okay? What happened?" A few thoughts in Roman's head told him he'd done something wrong, but he opted to ignore them and focus solely on Logan.

"I.. uh... um.." Logan gave a nervous laugh. "I'm sorry, I don't know what I'm doing. I just.. I literally have zero experience with this so I'm at a loss as to what to do here." He awkwardly rubbed the back of his neck. He glanced at his door then back at Roman. "You wouldn't um," Logan cleared his throat before continuing. "You wouldn't happen to want to... come inside... would you?" he asked cautiously. He thought he saw a look of panic in Roman's face at this. "Or, or not... nevermind.. forget I said anything, it was stupid.."

Roman shook his head lightly, sighing to himself, "No, no apologies Logan. Last time I heard that phrase it was...unwelcome, so I panicked. If you still want to, I'd be happy to spend some more time with you. I trust you, the situation however, it's a little unfamiliar in a...comfortable setting." He ducked his head a little, avoiding Logan's gaze, scared he might judge him or maybe even want to stop being around him. _Oh god, this was all his fault._

Logan took a breath and let it out slowly. "How about we just leave this here... for today." He tried to catch Roman's gaze and managed to hold his eyes for a moment. "This has been a lot for both of us, and I think we'd better both sleep on it. But... I... I just want you to know that I'm not going anywhere. Not literally, I mean... because uh... I'm about to go into my house.. but like uh... you know what I mean.." Logan managed to stop his flustered ramble and thought he heard Roman chuckle.

Roman looked down at Logan, watching him mumble, as he continued rambling. "Logan, calm down." He took his hands and pulled the other close again. "We're okay, I know what you mean." He leaned down and placed a gentle kiss to Logan's cheek. "If you don't want me to stay, I think I'm going to head home now, is that okay?" He asked, his voice gentle and his tone comforting with affection.

"Yeah, okay," Logan responded with a small breathy voice. He didn't really want Roman to go, but he knew that, at least for today, it was better that way. Roman let go of his hands and turned to go. Logan got out his keys and unlocked his door. Before going in, he turned one last time to Roman, "See you tomorrow." He then entered his apartment and shut the door. He leaned up against the door, shutting his eyes, trying to take the evening's events all in.

Once Roman was sure he was out of Logan's line of sight, his face split into the widest grin. He was far more enthusiastic now about his future chances with Logan. _Oh, god, he is so sweet_. He got into his car and drove home with an optimism that had been completely absent in his demeanor for the past couple of days. When he got home, he collapsed into a lovesick heap on his bed. The weight of that day pressed down onto his chest, but the general feeling wasn't actually unpleasant. "Maybe I'm not so unlucky, after all," he whispered to the air around him as if it could hear, or even respond.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone, sorry we've been so long since the last update. We've both had personal issues come up that have kept us rather occupied and not totally mentally available to format up the newest chapters to be uploaded. Another chapter should be uploaded shortly but we have decided to skip a week's worth of uploads for the time being. We thank you for your understanding and hope to manage to return to our usual upload schedule in the near future. 
> 
> This story is part of the LLF Comment Project, (https://longlivefeedback.tumblr.com/llfcommentproject) which was created to improve communication between readers and authors. This author invites and appreciates feedback, including:
> 
> \- Short comments  
> \- Long comments  
> \- Questions/theories  
> \- Constructive criticism  
> \- “<3” as extra kudos  
> \- Reader-reader interaction
> 
> This author replies to comments.


	10. Hearts don't have to stay broken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Logan apprehensively goes back to work the next day and roman opens up about how he raised Patton by himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tw: mentions of PDA, talking about childhood, abusive parents mention, drugs, offscreen past character death, homophobia, ableism.

Logan woke up the next morning with a smile on his face. He still didn't 100% understand his feelings towards Roman, but the one thing he did know was that he’d never felt like this towards anyone before. He got ready for work with unusual peppiness. He couldn't help but reminisce about their talk the previous day. On his way to work, however, his mood shifted. _Oh gosh, how is this going to play out?_ he wondered to himself. They hadn't exactly agreed with what they were yet and Logan wasn't sure how to greet Roman this morning, nor how he would be greeted. He didn't know how much he wanted his colleagues to know about this just yet. He was afraid that Roman might be a little too enthusiastic. It was clear that he was a rather touchy-feely person and Logan was unsure how that would be expressed PDA wise. He entered the office nervously, a touch of apprehension building in his chest.

Roman had gotten up that morning feeling pretty good, even the nightmares didn't majorly affect his mood. He got into his car and drove to work, he got there at around the same time that Logan did and sat in his chair displaying his notes on the desk and checking through the lists. He looked up and smiled at Logan who sat cautiously watching him, a nervous expression on his face. "Hey, Lo," he said, trying to break away the tension and nervousness in Logan's tense frame, though it didn't seem to do much. He frowned slightly, maybe it would help more if he just acted like normal. 

They were currently working on a missing person’s case. A young girl had disappeared 2 weeks before and they were trying to find possible leads as to where she could possibly be. These kinds of cases were always hard for Roman, but for some reason this one seemed to hit him even more so than usual. They’d already interviewed close family members, but hadn’t gotten very far. Now they were going to the recreational center she had frequented in order to see if anyone there would have any other information to give them. Roman knew the organisers well, Patton and Virgil supplied different snacks for the centre and Tina and Martin had often helped out for different events at the café. He looked over at Logan who was still busily typing away at his computer. "We're going to the rec center today so I'm just getting my notes together. We need a clear list of questions, so can you just run over any updates or new notes you have please? Just so I know what we don't have yet."

"Yeah, sure no problem let me take a look." So far so good, Logan thought to himself. Roman hadn't made any moves yet and Logan appreciated it. He relaxed just a little and ran through the questions and notes, adjusting here and there where it was needed. Once he was done they departed for the rec center.

When they'd gotten into the car and they were alone, Roman gently turned to Logan, who still looked very tense. "Lo, hun? Are you alright? You look really on edge..." Roman commented, staring worriedly at Logan for a few seconds. When Logan ducked his head and made an effort to avoid his eyes, Roman had a thought. "If it's got something to do with being at work, I don't do PDA, it's something I find pretty uncomfortable in the workplace. Plus, I respect your boundaries, if you don't want to be touched at all, that's perfectly fine, but I'd appreciate it if you tell me, that way I know what is and isn't okay."

Logan squirmed anxiously for a moment, trying to find a way to word his thoughts. "It's just... what are we exactly at this point? I know that putting labels on relationships can be uncomfortable, but I don't do well with grey zones. I'm a fish out of water when it comes to relationship territory." He heaved a sigh and rubbed the bridge of his nose under his glasses. "All I know is that physical intimacy isn't something I tend to feel too comfortable with even in private so in public, for me, it's a strong no." He hoped he wasn't asking too much. 

"Oh, Lo, that's fine, I would never make you do something unless you were fully comfortable." He gently took Logan's hand, checking his face for any discomfort. "I really like you, but I'll be honest, I'm not sure what to call us, unless you're comfortable with the label ‘dating'? Does that label feel okay?"

"I... I don't know... maybe not just yet..." Logan gave Roman a little half-smile with a mischievous look in his eyes. "Does that mean you plan on asking me out on a first date again?" he asked playfully, feeling the tension leave his body. "This isn't what I expected to get out of quitting my old job and starting this one. Picani, my therapist, he's going to flip at our next session. I'm sure he'd love you."

"Oh, I bet he'll flip," Roman smiled, starting up the car and driving in the direction of the rec center. "You got your questions ready, Hun?"

"You bet, got them right here." Logan waggled his trusty notebook. The car took off and they chatted a bit, of nothing and everything until they reached the rec center. It looked bright and friendly in broad daylight and seemed to be buzzing with people.

Roman gulped, tensing slightly and filtering a slow breath through his lips, "Okay...you can do this Roman, it's just Tina and Martin," He whispered to himself.

"Uh, Roman, are you okay?" asked Logan. He didn't understand this sudden change in disposition. He put his hand on Roman's, trying to bring him back to the present moment.

"Uh, yes, yeah, I'm okay, I'm okay," He said, shaking his head lightly and looking at Logan, still looking a little worried. "I'm fine, I think..."

"Roman... talk to me..." Logan hoped he wasn't pushing too far, he could tell that Roman was holding back.

"I just...I'm worried about Tina, she’s been taking this really hard. I have to be professional, I have to, but what if she starts crying and I can't do it? It's stupid, I'm just bad at this. I should be better. I've been doing it long enough," Roman sighed, looking like a sad puppy.

"Hey, hey it's okay..." Logan rubbed his thumb soothingly over Roman's hand. "There's a reason we're advised not to mix personal and professional. So it's okay if this feels harder... How about you let me take the lead. I mean, I'll try my best. I'm still new to this and all but hey, no time like the present to learn new things."

"Are you sure that's okay? I don't want to push you into the deep end before you're ready," Roman asked, looking deeply concerned as he shyly smiled, trying to figure out from Logan's face if he looked worried.

"I mean it's not like I'll be completely alone either. I'd appreciate tips and pointers for sure, but I'd like to give it a shot," Logan spoke with determination. He felt a surge of gumption and wanted to ride it to fruition.

"I'm so proud of you, Logi, thank you for doing this, it means a lot." He smiled, hesitating. "Do you mind if I...can I- uh...have a hug?..You know what, don't worry, forget I asked. I know you don't like…you know."

Logan smiled, "I'll let you have a hug, just... I don't care for Logi as a nickname, if I'm being honest." He leaned across his seat and wrapped his arms around Roman. He could feel him burying his face into his neck. Logan didn't entirely hate the sensation.

"Thank you, I'm sorry I know you don't like it... I'm just...upset right now, I need to calm down. If Tina sees me upset, she’ll most likely tell Patton and then he'll flip and he just gets very worried and I don't want to worry him."

"That's okay, we can wait a few more minutes before going inside." Logan looked towards the building. "I just hope that we manage to find out some information to help with the case. I'd hate to feel like it was a waste of time and you had to go through all this for nothing."

"I'm sure I'm just being overdramatic, it's not a big deal. I just don’t want to end up giving Patton another reason to worry about me. Patton just cares..a whole lot about everyone all the time...it's exhausting for him. Patton is a lovely guy but with my nightmares lately... I just worry that he spends too much of his time worrying about me." Roman met Logan's eyes, looking dejected and worried and he started speaking again, "So thank you, if you ever have a problem and need to talk, feel free to come to me, I will happily listen, it's the least I can do."

"Oh yeah sure thanks and uh likewise you know." Logan paused a moment before continuing. "But have you ever thought of... are you.. do you have anyone to talk to about your more... let's say darker issues... like a therapist?"

"I did see a therapist, around the same time I lost my previous significant other. It was horrible back then, everyone just told me that 'break ups happen' and to 'get over myself' but I couldn't. After my therapist told me I had abandonment issues and serious fears about people leaving me, I couldn't take it. It did help, for a little while, but then it just felt like every time I said something it was another thing wrong with me, I couldn't face it, my problems were too much to handle." He hung his head and bit the inside of his cheek.

"Woah, that's unfortunate... Look... if ever you think you might want to try therapy again, I can give you Picani's info. I'm pretty sure he still takes new clients and I think you would like him. I mean, he's peculiar, but like, really not in a bad way if that makes any sense. But no pressure."

Roman furrowed his eyebrows, biting his lip and hesitating, "If you trust him, then I'll think about it. I trust you, Lo." He hesitantly pulled Logan in for another hug, humming happily when Logan pulled him closer.

Despite it all, Logan couldn't help but smile. He hadn't been hugged this often in a short amount of time in a long time. He didn't feel like Roman was invading his personal space, he rather made it more comfortable even. "I think I'm okay now, do you want to go in now?" Roman asked. Logan pulled back to sit back in his seat. "I'm good if you are," he responded.

"Okay," Roman gulped, forcing himself to let go of Logan's hand, throwing himself into the deep end. They went in and were directed to a quiet back room that had been reserved for them. Tina and Martin sat there at the table, Logan and Roman sitting down opposite them and Roman could immediately tell that Tina noticed he wasn't acting like himself, he tried to brush it off but it didn't work too well with the woman's concerned stares.

Logan suspected by Roman and Tina's expressions that they wouldn't have long before the questioning veered off subject. He then took a deep breath and went forward as bravely as possible. "Tina, thank you again for letting us speak with you. Could you tell us about how long Sophia had been coming here? Who did she usually hang out with when she came?" Logan asked, pen in hand and notebook at the ready. 

"You're welcome, anything if it might help you find her. But it's sad really, Sophia didn't have many friends her age and she'd been coming ever since she joined high school, she was very lonely," Tina said sadly. "She would always be around older kids, though they never came in. When they did, it was just to get Sophia, then they'd be gone. They never introduced themselves, never showed their faces and got really on edge when Sophia hung out here. It worried me a lot," Tina added, biting at her nails nervously which Martin frowned at, but didn't stop her.

"Are you sure there isn't anyone else who comes here who might have known her a little bit more?" Logan asked with a bit more insistence. "Or perhaps even people who simply knew of her, like classmates perhaps?" Logan didn't want to make Tina uncomfortable, but he also wanted to make sure they had no other options before letting it go. He glanced over at Roman who gave him a small nod of reassurance.

"Well, there was this one boy. I never met him personally, but she would always talk to Martin about him. Martin knows much more about her school friends than me, those two did get along well. What was his name, Marty?" With a quiet hum of contemplation Martin cut in, "Garren, his name was Garren. And he liked her, but she wasn't interested. She kept telling me that he just wouldn't let it go, she was so frustrated by it. He was obsessive, but I don't think he’d go as far as kidnapping her. It would be worth talking to him, though. He might know something important."

"Do you have any idea where we could find him, by any chance, any way to contact him?" Logan asked, a sudden rush of excitement going through him. Finally, something was giving way. Of course, it was only a potential lead and possibly a dead end, but at least it was something.

"Well, he would message her over her phone, laptop, personal phone number, all her social media accounts, he even turned up outside her school a few times. I'd be surprised if you couldn't find one of those," Martin explained then sighed. "Now that I think about it, sometimes she seemed distressed after extended conversations with him. I think she was scared of him, or what he might do."

Logan scribbled quickly as he finished taking down all the information. "Okay, I think we've got some good stuff to go on. We won't keep you any longer, thank you again for everything." At this, Tina and Martin said goodbye and headed back to the main gymnasium, leaving Logan and Roman alone.

"Sorry that I didn't help much, you did a great job. I'm really proud of you, Logan, thank you," Roman said, his face lighting up a little bit more, "I suggest that we're very careful with this lead. He's young and unless we have proof of something he might have good cover to back himself up."

"Well, I know a good tech guy from another division who might be able to help us crack down on his mobile and online interactions with the victim. If not for incriminating evidence hopefully we'll have enough to bring him in for questioning," Logan said as he finally met Roman's gaze. "You holding up okay?"

"Yeah, I'm alright." Roman nodded lightly, he seemed a little uncertain, but a gentle smile was playing on his face, "Thanks to you, my hero." He gently and hesitantly took Logan's hand, giving him the chance to pull away if he felt uncomfortable. "Thank you for caring, you know, checking up on me, it means a lot." He gently squeezed Logan's hand and nervously shied away from Logan's gaze.

Logan blushed lightly at this. He enjoyed this little moment with Roman, but he reminded himself that they had a job to do too. He didn't want to let this get in the way of that. "We should probably get going."

"Yeah, we probably should, but I really don't want to," Roman responded, making no move towards the car whatsoever as he stood there, smiling mischievously.

"Okay, what's that supposed to mean?" Logan wasn't sure how to decipher Roman's expression. He grabbed his notebook and made to leave, but Roman caught him gently by the wrist.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to if I crossed a line. I was just going to ask when you next had free time...I want to hang out with you...While we aren't at work." Roman looked a little worried but mostly dejected as he continued, rushing out, "I-... but if you don't want to, I don't want you to feel like you have to, because you don't... I just thought, well...you know."

Logan turned to look at Roman and gazed straight into his eyes. "I'd be happy to hang out after work. I don't know if you've noticed, but I'm not exactly the kind of person who has a very occupied social life. Needless to say I have free time that I think I can spare."

Roman visibly relaxed, as he thought for a second. "Okay," he sighed, slightly relieved, "okay, yeah, would you like to come to my house and watch a movie or something? I could make dinner?"

"Yeah, that would be nice," Logan said smiling warmly. He was being asked out, and this time nothing was going to keep him from accepting. "Just a heads up I don't do spicy foods, but other than that I'm not picky."

"Right, no spicy foods. Got it," Roman smiled. "Let's go then, when we get back to the station you can contact your tech friend and we'll look further into who this guy was. After all, he might not even be real." Roman walked around the car climbing in after Logan. He had his eyebrows furrowed, staring down at his phone and was typing something. "What's wrong, everything okay?"

"Huh," Logan replied, distracted, "oh yeah um, yeah it's all good." He quickly finished his text and put his phone away, trying to look as natural as possible. He'd just gotten a message from his mother, asking him to call her. He had been rather estranged from his family for a few years now. He couldn't imagine why she was contacting him now.

"You sure?" Roman asked, twisting the key in the ignition and starting up the car. The tires worked against the gravel crunching before they got onto the smoother road and Roman gave him a sideways glance. "We've got a twenty-minute drive back to the station if you want to talk, I don't mind listening."

"It's just," Logan spoke nervously, "I just got a text from my mother. She wants me to call her..." He wrung his hands before continuing, "I haven't exactly been on speaking terms with her for the past while, with any of my family members to be honest."

Roman hummed thoughtfully in response, "Well, I'm in a similar boat to you, I don't talk to my related family either. Patton is the only real family I have left, that's why I'm so protective. We got out of there together, and we have to stick together to stay safe, look after each other. In fact, I and Patton have just decided it's better to choose who is part of your family. Family is important, no matter who you consider being a part of that family." He reached over and squeezed Logan's hand, as a grounding comfort for him, "May I ask why you aren't on speaking terms, Hun?"

"Well let's say that communication has never been anyone's strong suit in my family. They also still deny that I have a cognitive disorder, despite being professionally diagnosed. I guess It just felt like I was always letting them down as it seemed I could never do anything right. Especially in my father's eyes." Logan appreciated Roman's hand on his at that moment. He felt it was the only thing keeping him from breaking down and crying.

"Yeah, I understand that feeling, Lo. My dad was never a great guy, he died when I was ten. Accidental drug overdose, my mom didn't react well. She took it out on me mostly, but when she started making Patton's life awful, I got him out of there. We stayed with my distant aunt and this was when I was sixteen so Patton would have been only eleven. I got a job and worked as hard as I could with school and it seemed okay again. Then Patton came out when I was eighteen."  
Roman paused and let out a heavy sigh that made his hand clasped in Logan's shake slightly. "It did not go well and she kicked him out, said I could stay because I wasn't a... I'm sorry I refuse to use her words. After I finished school and got a job in the force, Patton met Virgil. Now they've been together for five years. Patton told me that now it was time for me to find my happy ending...I'd pretty much given up." Roman looked over at Logan and smiled, "Then I met you."

"Wow, Roman I.. I had no idea..." Logan replied, stunned by what he'd heard. "My life hasn't nearly been so eventful. Although my coming out was also the last straw." He met Roman's eyes, their gazes held a mutual understanding.

Roman broke the gaze to focus on the road, he looked as if he was about to say something, but paused for a second in contemplation. "Hey Lo? promise me something please?"  
Logan glanced over cautiously, "And what would that be?"

Carefully, Roman ran his thumb over the back of Logan's hand. "It's okay, it's nothing to be worried over." He brought the hand to his lips and kissed it. "I wanted you to promise me that you won't let your disorder or your family define you. That you'll decide who you are, no matter what happens. I want you to truly try and believe me when I tell you that you're worth so much, because to me, you are."

Logan slowly let out a sigh of relief and smiled. "What have I done to deserve a person like you in my life?" He stared fondly at Roman as he parked the car back at the office building.

"You didn't promise me," Roman smirked, turning to Logan as he'd just finished parking, taking Logan's hand again and smiling up at him.

"I can't promise anything that I know I won't keep. It's impossible that I never feel like it's all I am because for a long time I did. But I can promise that I will do my best to try."

Roman frowned, but brightened up at the prospect that Logan was going to try. He beamed proudly, his whole being gleaming with affection for the man in front of him. "And that's all I'd ever ask of you, Lo. Your efforts are all I want, as long as you're trying. I'm so proud of you." Roman was practically glowing. He smiled at Logan, giving him a look as if the man was his entire world.

"But in turn I'd like for you to also promise me something. Please don't let yourself reach the bottom of the barrel before you ask for help." Logan gave Roman a meaningful look. "I know it's not easy acknowledging you need help, especially when you've been taking care of yourself, by yourself for so long. But I don't want to see you hurting when you don't have to."

Roman swallowed, looking momentarily speechless. "....I...Uh..." He bit down on his lip and looked up to meet Logan's gentle, but somehow intense gaze. "I promise...You're right...it won't be easy...but I promise, Logan," he forced out, his eyes visibly showing a light glaze of unfallen tears. Logan smiled and gave Roman's hand a final squeeze before unbuckling and getting out of the car.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story is part of the LLF Comment Project, (https://longlivefeedback.tumblr.com/llfcommentproject) which was created to improve communication between readers and authors. This author invites and appreciates feedback, including:
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